I haven’t been commenting on politics lately because the depth of my ignorance is amazing. I don’t know shit about policy. And I don’t want to comment on the horse-race issues. I don’t want to talk about whether Obama’s health care speech made him look good or not. A real citizen should care more about what health care reform will do. The odd thing, though, is that I’m not informed enough to really know the answer, and most people aren’t either. Yet democracy is all partly about convincing this ignorant people to support health care reform. This sounds elitist. I used to have a deep-seated article of faith that the people were always right. Right now, I don’t have many deep-seated beliefs. They make one stagnant and dogmatic. I like having principles, but every single one of my convictions is always up for empirical analysis.

Part of the way around this is to read the right people. Believe the correct experts. This isn’t an impossible task. First, filter out the liars and the spin-masters. Then, look for people who are deeply interested in the issue. With the power of the internet, I guarantee you that this isn’t a Herculean task. If enough people listen to the right people, then democracy works out pretty well. Even though I may listen to the right people, which I do sometimes, I don’t care to blog about it because I don’t want to regurgitate. I need to become an expert in something, instead of dicking around in generalities.

Finally, I haven’t been commenting much because I don’t have much love for Barack Obama. No, no, I haven’t flipped back to the Republican Party. I certainly don’t want to be associated with the jackasses in charge of that party. I don’t think Republicans are jackasses, but I think the party is controlled by jackasses.

Here is my problem with Barack Obama: Preventative Detention. On civil liberties, Obama has been as dangerous and disingenuous as Bush. Here, he broke his promises. He has not created a more transparent government.

Yes, politicians are apt to break promises. And I wasn’t expecting him to be perfect after the debacle with warrantless eavesdropping, but preventative detention should be some joke. It should be a phrase devised by a Swiftian satirist, not a legitimate phrase. It is more chilling than even harsh interrogation (or whatever euphemism of the week they’ve switched to these days — and by they I mean both the politicians and the mainstream media).

Obama may do great things. He may reform healthcare, save the country from an economic crisis, help stave off global warming, but none of this really matters if he fails us on civil liberties. He may save the body, but he is destroying the soul. So, yes, I said it, Barack Obama threatens to destroy the soul of America. Now I sound like a ridiculous jackass. I was wishing I’d sound more like Cicero.

I hate to go all doom and gloom. It is at this point that I wonder if the America I know will disappear. It is an inevitable thought after I invoke Cicero. The troubling thing about Cicero is that by some accounts, the Republic was pretty much already dead by the time Cicero was around. See Sulla. Perhaps everyone will look back and see the fall of America at about the time it became an empire.

It becomes even more discouraging when preventative detention isn’t on the front page of newspapers. I don’t want to say we’re myopic as a culture and too focused on the day to day. Everybody has those tendencies (or rather, cognitive biases against long-term rewards), and it is unsurprising that this would manifest itself at the societal level. It is useless to rail against this myopia. I’m amazed at the Founders’ genius. They didn’t say, “I wish people were less ambitious. This government thing would be easier. I guess it will never work.” Instead, they set ambition against ambition and set up multiple branches of government.

Look how resilient America is. We survived McCarthyism, did we not? We still have freedom, even though we were the country of both slavery and Jim Crow. Interesting feat, isn’t it? Slavery trampled upon ancient freedoms more than any offense Barack Obama could commit against the Constitution. Hell, we have a black president. Holy fucking shit. That’s progress. So I’m not full of despair.

A few things truly set my soul alight when it comes to politics. The first two, which are interrelated, are civil liberties and ending the empire. I don’t want America to even have the ability to start any war it wants. In fact, my radical idea is to eliminate our standing armies, but maintain our strong navies. Yes, this will mean we will be unable to prevent some atrocities. However, we never fixed Darfur anyway and we start much more shit than we fix. We should not be able to project military power anywhere because this power will be abused. It is not a matter of being more responsible because you can’t shift human nature. The next thing that sets my soul afire is the issue of corporate money in politics. That’s the biggest structural source of corruption right now. At least, it seems so from my very ignorant point of view. I suppose it would be wise to add Unequal Protection: The Rise of Corporate Dominance and the Theft of Human Rights to my reading list.

There are other issues that I think are very important, but they don’t speak to my soul the same way. I have to listen to my soul. I have to focus.

“Reality is my drug. The more I have of it, the more power I get and the higher I feel.” — 50 Cent

I’m currently re-reading Robert Greene and 50 Cent’s new book, The 50th Law. On my first read-through, I thought that was just a cool quote. In fact, even on my second read-through I could only appreciate it in some abstract sense. A few days ago, though, I experienced the truth of that quote.

I will leave out the insight, even though this makes for less compelling writing, because it is a bit personal. Thus, I will speak a bit abstractly. What happened was I recognized a connection between two incidents that were spaced years apart. I saw a pattern in my behavior that I hadn’t noticed before. With incredible clarity, I realized mistakes that I had made.

Normally, recognizing one’s failures isn’t a cause for joy. But instead of despair, there was an odd detachment. I recognized what I had done without judgment. I simply saw the world as it was. It was then that the rush came. I felt a high better than any buzz I had received from alcohol. The only thing I can compare it to is a peak experience.

I also felt the power. I pierced through the world’s obfuscations; I pierced through my worldview, biases, and delusions. This is true power, is it not? It’s an ability to learn from one’s mistakes without dealing with emotional baggage. It’s an ability to see the world without any distortions.

Ah, this is only the beginning. I need more. Slowly, ever so slowly, I am changing the way my mind works.

I love Cicero. But the thing about Cicero is that he never saved the Republic and he got himself killed.

I generally find it a helpful mental exercise to imagine that a person’s behavior is the result of circumstance, and not the result of a fixed character trait. For example (an easy one), if someone is grouchy, this is because the person has been having a rotten day, not because this is a grouchy person. In Risk, someone may betray me. This person is a not a dirty backstabber, but someone who took advantage of an opportunity that I gave them. (By the way, I am not the originator of this mental exercise. I’ve seen it in various places, and it’s generally a more Eastern way of looking at things. The Western habit is towards committing the Fundamental Attribution Error.)

I usually find this helpful for negative behavior. It helps prevent anger on my part, and it helps me to better analyze the situation, which in turn, helps me find a better solution.

I’ve never used this mental exercise for positive behavior. It would be interesting to try; I hypothesize that it is helpful.

I walked into Borders the other day. There was a security guard inside the store, near the door. I almost passed her with a neutral expression on my face. When I was almost past her, — there must have been some eye contact to prompt this — I smiled. Then, as I was walking away, she greeted me with a simple, “How are you?” I don’t remember my reply, but I do remember that she then greeted the next group that walked through the door. She made no effort to greet me as I walked in, but here she was going out of her way to be friendly to people.

Such is the power of the smile. This wasn’t even a full smile. This was just a smile quickly flashed at the tail end of a walk-by. It turned a bored person into a friendly person. It had a cascade effect, spreading happiness to the next group. When I walked out, I flashed a broad smile and said good-bye to the security guard. I just went in to grab a book and get out. Instead, I became a friendly, sociable person, simply by forcing myself to smile.

Now, imagine if I entered every room with a broad smile. This would certainly be a good habit to cultivate.

So glad I’m a 49ers fan and not a Raiders fan…

I watched the USC – OSU game today. I’m a USC fan, so I’m glad they pulled off the win, but I’m not optimistic about the season. OSU controlled that game until the last drive. Even if USC sneaks into the championship game, I don’t think they can beat Florida. Last year, I thought they could have beat Florida (playoffs please!). I’m not sold on Barkley yet. Or rather, I think he can be good, but I don’t know when he’ll get there.

1. Go running
2. Watch Obama’s speech
3. Code like crazy
4. Go to bank (?)
5. Watch 9 (?)

For years, I was not the kind of person who read a book twice. I never watched a movie twice either.

There are huge advantages to re-reading a book. Every time I wrote an essay, it required multiple readings in order to fully understand the concepts. It’s impossible to close-read on the first pass. I’d re-read passages, zero in on paragraphs, re-read those, and then re-read sentences. My understanding would begin as a sketch, and then I’d have a drawing, and then a full-color image. Each pass fills in more detail. Each read would create a fuller understanding.

I’m good at skimming. When I read through something quickly, I’m good at picking out what’s important, or whatever I think is most useful to me. I can understand a concept before I fully understand all its inner workings and implications. It’s a great skill, and it has helped me through so many classes. But in order to understand something in a meaningful manner, it requires deeper readings. It’s the difference between making a machine work, and then taking it apart and understanding how it works.

My odd aversion to multiple readings has retarded my ability to deeply understand concepts. Granted, it’s not as if I never do this. As I said, my essay-writing required multiple readings. However, in the studying I’ve been doing for self-improvement, I haven’t re-read my source material enough. I sometimes breeze through books before I make a conscious effort to apply the concepts to my life. There are a lot of concepts I understand, but I need to dig deeper.

It’s bizarre to think that I would consider an aversion to multiple readings as an integral part of my personality. Yet I have many personality quirks that I cling to for no reason. They may also be holding me back. It’s time to, at the very least, toss aside one label and become a person who reads books multiple times.

I just bought The 50th Law. For the rest of the month, this is my bible. I can read other books, but I’ll read from this everyday. I’ll make an effort to master the concepts.

I’ve decided that I need some drawing ability. It’s getting frustrating when I come up with ideas that I can’t communicate with two stick figures and text. I don’t need to be an amazing artist. My goal is to get halfway to mediocre. I figure I’m funny enough that I don’t need to be an amazing artist. Plus, there’s always my charm. Really, though, I never plan on being an amazing artist. I just want to be able to communicate my ideas.

• Global warming
• Prison reform
• Drug decriminalization
• Taking corporate money out of politics

Had my fantasy football draft today, where I was pick #7 in a 10 team league. Here are the results:

1. DeAngelo Williams
2. Calvin Johnson
3. Roddy White
4. Ryan Grant
5. Philip Rivers
6. Ray Rice
7. DeSean Jackson
8. Felix Jones
9. Eddie Royal
10. Dustin Keller
11. LeSean McCoy
12. Leon Washington
13. Donnie Avery
14. Joe Flacco
15. Packers D/ST
16. Jason Elam

I’m not super happy about my RBs. I think Ray Rice was a reach, considering all the uncertainty in the backfield. I’m not too fond of Ryan Grant as my RB2. I think I picked some RBs in the later rounds with a lot of upside, but will any of them turn into a reliable fantasy starter? I love my Felix Jones pick. I think he’s going to be a monster.

I love my WRs, but maybe I love WRs too much because I picked too many. I never should’ve picked up Eddie Royal. With that position so solid, I should’ve grabbed another RB with upside. In fact, I’m not sure I should’ve grabbed Avery either. Not that I don’t like the Avery pick at that position, but with my roster, it probably would’ve been better to pick up another RB. Calvin Johnson and Roddy White are monsters. Both are top 5 receivers in my opinion.

I went earlier with QB than I normally do, but I have a reliable fantasy stud with Rivers. QB has always been a weak spot for me. I decided I was going to grab a QB in Round 5, if one of my labeled top tier QBs was available. Otherwise, I would wait a few rounds. It’s going to be good not having to scour the waivers for plug-in QBs. (This actually worked out really well last year, leading my to a first place finish during the regular season. It didn’t work out so well in the play-offs. Caveat: Eight-team league, lol.) I wasn’t going to pick a backup QB, but I’m really high on Flacco. Last year I picked up Favre as my backup QB just for kicks. What a terrible decision. This time I went with someone less frustrating, I hope.

I waited a bit long for TE. I didn’t want to spend a pick on an elite TE, and after that, the rest are pretty indistinguishable, in my opinion. When there were only 3 or 4 TEs left on my list in that tier, I decided to grab one. I might’ve been able to wait another round or two, in fact.

So we’ll see how this turns out and see if reality proves me to be a moron. Trying to predict the future usually makes you look like an idiot, haha.

EDIT: I’ve thought about my draft some more and I like it a lot better than I did several hours ago. Ryan Grant is a good low-end RB2, and I picked him up in Round 4. I got two guys who were Top 5 receivers on my board, even though I didn’t go WR-WR — and Calvin Johnson was #1 for me. Williams is solid; the main reason I wasn’t happy was because I passed up Gore for him, but I had several good options at that position, including Chris Johnson. It was a toss-up. Rivers is fantasy gold. My bench is full of players with tremendous upside. There’s a good chance that at least one will develop into a reliable flex starter, or something better. You can’t predict the future, but I think I put myself in a good spot to get lucky.

I’ve spent so much time complaining about the internets, that I completely forgot about how captivating the television can be. It had me completely under its spell today. Ugh.

I’m learning Mozart’s Alla Turca on piano. It’s the first new song I’ve learned in a while. During my last year at Hopkins, I moved into a new apartment and didn’t have easy access to a piano anymore. This definitely retarded my abilities as a piano player. Now, I’m back to playing and I’m excited to rediscover the pleasures of learning a new song.

It’s nice to know that I still have the tools to learn a piano piece. Break it down. Practice the parts you can’t play well over and over. Start from the end and work your way backwards. Left hand. Right hand. After a lot of time sight reading familiar songs, it was nice to get into the nitty gritty of a piece. There’s something satisfying about the frustration. It’s like the sore feeling you get after a workout. Then, I sit in front of the piano the next day and I can play something that I couldn’t yesterday. That is an amazing feeling, especially when I get so frustrated the day before and think I’ll never ever get it right. To learn a musical piece requires patience and determination, which are always good virtues to practice.

I also learned that one does not have to sit in front of the piano to get practice. There was a left-hand part that was giving my particular trouble. When I was out getting food, I started playing the part on my thigh. Now this, at first glance, does not appear to be a very productive way to practice. I wouldn’t be able to get the spacing right for the notes. Yet when I practiced it on my thigh and imagined the song in my head, I noticed my hand doing weird things. I had to stop because I was doing it wrong. My hand movements weren’t matching up with the mental performance. The hand wanted to shift when it wasn’t supposed to shift. So after some practice on my thigh, I was able to tame my hand and get it to match the song going on my head. After I got home, I noticed that I could actually play it better on the piano.

Mental practice can do good work, just like physical practice. It improved my piano playing. Perhaps it can improve some area of your life.

Because our modem was broken, I spent a couple of days without the internet. It was both marvelous and frustrating at the same time.

It’s marvelous because the internet is one of the most addictive substances known to mankind. You feel terrible while going the detox. You’re listless. You wander around, wanting a fix. You hit refresh 10 times, just hoping that maybe it will magically work this time. But at the same time, you know this is a great thing for your body, or your soul. It’s such a cleansing feeling, as if your mind is being purified. You can sit down and DO THINGS! instead of wandering away every 5 seconds to check something.

Yet the internet has made us its slaves. It’s hard to do certain things without the internet. One’s notes and books form something like an extended brain. If we don’t remember something, we can look it up in our notes. Because of the convenience of the internet, a lot of things have migrated online. So many things are stored in my e-mail account. We live in the cloud, many of us. Without my extra internet appendages, I become a cripple.

Sometimes you can get by. I was working with photoshop and didn’t know how to do something. “I know,” I said to myself — evidently I talk to myself when the internet is down — “I will look it up on the Google.” Oh wait, I don’t have the Google. I rediscovered that programs have their own help functions. There were also things I wanted to do with CSS, but I couldn’t find. I had to reference old code and pull out *gasp* a book. It was like exercising muscles you forgot you had. There were these things I used to do before I used Google as a crutch to find everything.

There are things I simply can’t do, however. I could draw and scan my comics. I could transfer between computers with a USB stick instead of e-mailing it to myself. I could edit things. I could not upload the pictures to my site or update the database. I also wanted to get a rough draft done for a website I’m designing and send it off to the client. I could develop with HTML and CSS alright, but I couldn’t send off an e-mail. I also wanted to do stuff with PHP for another project, but I couldn’t test things without a database to interact with. That meant I had to be online.

One could liken it to a car mechanic without a wrench. I found it very difficult to do my job. In fact, it was sometimes frustrating just doing what I normally do everyday. A lot of the tasks I want to do require internet access.

Now that the internet is back, I’m very weary. The problem is the internet’s addictive nature. The internet is like heroin: It’s hard to do in moderation. If I could, I’d go cold turkey. I’d cut it out of my system completely. But I need it for so many things. (This is where the internet differs from heroin: Heroin is not that useful.) Once I start using it, how am I going to control myself?

My next experiment is to buy an egg timer and limit myself when I go online.

EDIT: And another thing… I love the convenience of the internet, but I think it may be worth it to sacrifice some of that convenience for independence from the internet. I may even acquire the upside of deeper understanding, rather than the shallow understanding one gets from a quick Google search.

Break’s over. It’s time to get to work. Tomorrow morning, I create something beautiful.

Another trip to Vegas. I cannot foretell what will happen with this blog.

Poker can sometimes be really frustrating. The last two times I have flopped a two pair: 1) My opponent had a 3 of a kind, 2) My opponent had top two pair, while I had the top pair and the third pair. I lost a lot of money on both occasions. Maybe I’m playing those hands too fast and loose, and not paying enough attention to my opponent. But I suppose luck has a bit to do with it too.

I played a small Texas Hold’em tournament today for the first time in months. Not that I was ever good at poker in the first place (I was decent amongst people who were weren’t very good), but I’m not half as good as I used to be. I can’t read anybody, and I don’t remember the odds for certain hands. More playing time and more studying will help that.

EDIT: I also realized that I wasn’t paying enough attention to the game as the hands unfolded.

I just made it to Comic #500 for The Chalkboard Manifesto. Wow.

Thanks to everyone who helped me make it this far, especially those who’ve been there since the beginning. More extended thanks to come in the TCM Blog tomorrow.

Comic #500 is as good a place as any to celebrate an arbitrary milestone, yes?

Last night, I finally felt motivated, and it carried over to this morning. It’s amazing when I think about the number of mornings I’ve woken up where I’ve had no reason to get up in the morning. I actually was excited this morning to wake up. I finished writing my resume, which I had been putting off for a long time. I attribute this newfound motivation to a recent failure.

This last Saturday, I went apartment hunting with two friends of mine. It was tiring, but exciting. We even found a nice place, in a great location, for a really good price. Unfortunately, I had to back out because I don’t have my shit together. I don’t have a car or a job yet, so I decided it wasn’t in my best interests to move out yet. Plus I didn’t want to be jobless 4 months down the road, run out of money, and leave my roommates with the bill. My parents are willing to help out when I’m home, but not if I move out.

So not having my shit together finally had some real world consequences. I decided it was time to get my shit together. Looking for a place to live made it a concrete goal. Since it’s more tangible, I have something I can visualize. This has made me more motivated. For example, having “something you really would like” isn’t as motivating a prize as “that video game you have been talking about for months.” The concrete is better when it comes to goals.

Plus, this may be a blessing in disguise. The first place we looked at was amazing, but out of our price range. Once I have a job, it may very well be within my price range. Something to look forward to, yes?

I’m going to set my priorities, get things done, and life will be awesome.

This was originally posted on The Chalkboard Manifesto blog…

From this news story, Australia considers mass killings of camels, comes this hilarious quote:

Tony Peacock, CEO of the University of Canberra’s Invasive Animals Cooperative Research Center, said a cull was the most effective method.

“To be shot from a helicopter is actually quite humane, even though that sounds brutal,” he said. “If I was a camel, I’d prefer to just get it in the head.”

I haven’t been super-productive this past week. Being out of a job has sucked out a lot of my motivation, and it doesn’t help that I’m going to Vegas next week. This week has sort of been a dead weak for me. It reminds me of the time in between finishing school and waiting for graduation. I’ve been doing small things to keep myself from feeling adrift, as I am apt to feel in these situations. My room is slowly being and cleaned, and I made a small change to the CM website.

Since marathoning all 3 seasons of Arrested Development with my old roommate, I have become an Arrested Development evangelist. It is the funniest, smartest show you’ll ever watch.

This summer I have earned two converts. My method was pretty simple. I kept making references to the show and informing my friend that this would continue until he/she watched the show. Now two of my friends have watched all 3 seasons of the show. And when I make references, they laugh.

During lunch today, my friend R had seen the show, while friend K had not seen the show. I utilized my same strategy, excluding K from the conversation to make references to Arrested Development to R. Hopefully, I’ll earn another convert.

Oh yes, and if you’re not converted: The show is free to watch on Hulu! Watch Arrested Development!

About halfway through ATDP, I descended into grumpiness. One particular Wednesday, I was standing on the BART platform, pondering my grumpy state of mind. I had been grumpy the entire week. I knew why too. It was a result of fatigue. I had gone from doing no work and waking up at 11:00AM to doing lots of work and waking up at 6:30AM. I was tired and stressed out. As I learned from Patton: Fatigue produces pessimism.

I kept thinking: “I need some peace and quiet. I need an entire day where I do absolutely nothing. I need to vegetate alone.” I kept telling myself that I wouldn’t be happy until I did that.

As all this went through my mind, Alex saw me and came over to talk. I was rather unresponsive. I kept reflecting on how unpleasant I must be. “Once I take that time off,” I thought, “I’ll be able to be happy again. I can’t wait until then.” This absurd thought dominated my mind through the conversation.

Several minutes later, I had a revelation. The “until” locution revealed a happiness fallacy. I thought, “Goodness, what if I do nothing all weekend and then I’m still depressed? What then?” I realized that happiness isn’t something you wait for.

I remembered Tal Ben-Shahar’s book, Happier. This arrival fallacy is backed up by science. It’s often the case that one may think that one won’t be happy until one achieves something. Then, once it is achieved, the person still isn’t happy. Happiness isn’t some prize that magically appears at the end. It’s a huge let-down.

It was very likely that a day off wouldn’t make me happy. I recalled that positivity is a choice. At every moment, I must re-dedicate myself to positivity, not hope that it will magically come to me. So there was nothing preventing me from being pleasant in conversation, except some stupid blocks that only existed in my mind. At that moment, I chose to stop being grumpy. I forced myself to smile even though I didn’t feel like it. By the end of the day, I was energized and positive.

This wasn’t a new lesson. This was an old lesson that I thought I had already learned. I thought that this “positivity paradigm” was thoroughly entrenched in my life, but I was wrong. It was a lesson I had to relearn. I had already had the epiphany, but now I needed a “repiphany.” Learning is really hard, isn’t it?

Finally, on Saturday, I got my lazy day. I lounged for hours on the couch. I didn’t even read a book. It didn’t make me happy at all. I laughed at myself. I really thought that this would have made me happy? Watching Hulu all day and laying on the couch is the key to happiness? Sometimes, I can be really stupid. But luckily I relearned my lesson.

I’ve had a phrase (originally from my AP English teacher way back when) that has helped me out whenever I got stuck while writing: “You can’t edit what you don’t have written down.” No matter how crappy the first draft may be, it is much better than having no draft. Remembering this has forced me to just write whenever I felt stuck. The editing process is better than sitting there in front of a blank piece of paper, waiting for perfection to emerge.

I want to make an analogy to life in general. Perhaps I could phrase it this way: “You can’t improve what you never try.” It is better to try something and fail than to sit there and wait for yourself to do it perfectly.

Now that I’m unemployed again, it’ll seem like I have a lot of time on my hands. People will want more of my time. I have to develop a schedule and stick to it. I need to become a fierce guardian of my time.

Last day of ATDP tomorrow. =(

I really enjoyed my students.

“Your day is filled with happiness and love. life was beautiful then.” – Vietnam Hat

RAFTING TOMORROW!

Today, someone asked me about my weekend. I noted that I did absolutely nothing on Saturday, but there was an entire story behind it. Yes, even when I do nothing there’s still a story. Haha. Will write about it on blog later.