If life’s a journey, then I’m lost. I have no idea where I am, and, even worse, I have no idea where I want to go.

Sometimes when I look into my own mind, all I see is an abyss. If I close my eyes and listen, I hear the buzz of bewilderment.

There is no obvious road from here. There is no road more travelled, no road less travelled — no damn roads at all. There ain’t no damn road that’s going to tell me what I want to do with my life.

And there’s no person who can tell me that either. That leaves just me to decide, right? But what if I don’t know? Because I don’t.

I stand here, lost in an utterly alien landscape.

There are only a few choices.

One: Look backwards. Yet no matter how quickly you run in that direction, you never get anywhere. The landscape stretches and you get further and further from where you want to go. Time does not allow you to move backwards.

Option one, therefore, is out of the picture.

Two: Sit down, paralyzed. Never get anywhere. Survive, but do nothing. Live a boring life.

Unacceptable. To throw away the gift of life without doing anything with it is equivalent to suicide.

Option two, therefore, is out of the picture.

Three: Pick a direction and trudge forward. Put one foot in front of the other.

I choose option three.

The path I choose will be arbitrary, but so is any other. The absurdity and arbitrariness of the universe is simultaneously a source of despair and a source of consolation. My choices don’t matter, but my mistakes don’t either. Maybe I don’t know what I want, but does it really matter?

Perhaps I will find what I like while travelling along this new path and perhaps I won’t. Nevertheless, I sure as hell won’t find it just sitting here. To find what’s beyond the horizon, I must walk forward.

In order to make sure this decision is not completely useless, I must move from the abstract to the concrete. I must make specific choices.

First of all, I choose to take this semester to pursue as many things as I can, and then, make my choices later as to where to focus. What can I handle? What can I not? I don’t know, and I won’t know, until I just overload myself. Furthermore, I don’t know what I like, and this will help narrow things down.

I have obligations towards three clubs: The Pool Club, the College Republicans, and The Carrollton Record. I will keep up my pool playing skills, provided my shoulder issues haven’t ruled that out. I will use the College Republicans to train people on how to make an impact, regardless of their political inclinations. I will maintain a policy of integrity. I will do this training regardless of the group’s size. I will continue to write for The Carrollton Record, and I will attempt to widen it’s online audience.

I choose to not neglect my studies and maintain my high GPA. I will not get a grade lower than an A-. I choose to take 12 credits a semester for the rest of my undergraduate experience in order to pursue extracurriculars and develop better relations with my professors.

I choose to pursue philosophy more vigorously. I will post philosophy on this blog and write more serious essays. I will solicit my professor’s opinions on this philosophizing.

I choose to be a cartoonist. I need The Chalkboard Manifesto as an alternative creative outlet. It makes my life better and funnier. I will fulfill my update obligations. I will expand my comic’s audience.

I choose to be a writer — an essayist, of sorts. I will look for opportunities to write in different publications. I will look for jobs at different publications.

I choose to be an activist. Specifically, I’d like to expand voting by introducing same-day registration everywhere or eliminating registration, and I’d like to move voting to the weekend. Of course, this isn’t a personal goal, and I’d have to team up with many other people to achieve this.

I choose to refine and change these goals on a regular basis and as needed.

I can’t do it. I can’t go back to school. I can’t write those ridiculously worthless essays. I can’t continuously spew out bullshit for them.

I can’t do it. I can’t listen to another lecture.

Can I sit there while the world goes on without me?

Can I sit there while the environment is wrecked, our soldiers die, and our corrupt politicians make more money?

I say I can’t, but I can. I’ve done it for two years, haven’t I?

What’s two more?

What’s another two after that?

I can’t do it. I can’t go to work. I can’t sit in a cubicle farm. Isn’t there more to life?

I say I can’t, but I can. I’ve done it before, haven’t I?

Make the money. Sit in front of the TV. Act indignant. Go to sleep.

Complain again but do nothing.

Here I am.

I have this hypothesis that more females like The Chalkboard Manifesto than males because they’re more likely to think of the chalkboard drawings as cute. I should test this.

I’m going on vacation for like a week or a week and a half. Updates on the other side. See ya.

1. Get shit done.
2. Be proactive.
3. Live in the present.

Explanation tomorrow.

Administration defends FISA powers, but not very convincingly. From the article: “Mr. McConnell’s letter, however, said the government will police itself and has measures in place to prevent snooping on U.S. citizens.” Police itself. *giggle*

By the way, look at the obfuscation in this sentence:

“These procedures have worked well for decades and eliminate from intelligence reports incidentally acquired information concerning U.S. persons that does not constitute foreign intelligence,” said Director of National Intelligence Michael McConnell, in a letter to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, Nevada Democrat, and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, Kentucky Republican.

“Incidentally acquired information concerning U.S. persons that does not constitute foreign intelligence” is delightfully wordy. It can’t be anything bad!

You might recall Senator Arlen Specter voting for the Military Commissions Act one day, and then defending habeas corpus the next. I consider him nailed on that issue.

Well, now it turns out that he’s not the only dirty rotten lying bastard. The Democrats have done it too, as Dahlia Lithwick so eloquently explains. They denounce Alberto Gonzales, the attorney general, one day, and then vote to give him more eavesdropping powers the next. Observe:

There is virtually no way to reconcile Sen. Mark Pryor’s, D-Ark., claim that Gonzales has “lied to the Senate” and needs to go with his vote to expand the reach of our warrantless eavesdropping program. And how can one possibly square Sen. Dianne Feinstein’s, D-Calif., claim that the AG “just doesn’t tell the truth” with her vote to give him yet more unchecked authority? You either trust this AG with the power to listen in on your phone calls or you do not, and the mumbled justifications for these “yes” votes ( … but Gonzales shares his authority with National Intelligence Director Mike McConnell; … but the bill sunsets in six months) do nothing to lessen the impression that some Democrats mistrust Gonzales when it’s convenient, but not when it’s truly important. [This entire paragraph is from Lithwick’s piece, linked above.]

Indeed, there is no way to reconcile what they said with what they did. They are a bunch of goddamn hypocrites and deserve to be thrown out of office.

This breaks a general rule I follow, but I’m starting to think that the Democrats did it just because they can’t wait for their president to have that kind of power.

It appears that there would be no point to even switching parties.

It will probably take me several days before I can become optimistic again and think that this can be fought. For now, I will wallow in my anger.

This is worth quoting a million times (but I wish I had my book with me because I like that translation of the quote better)

“Infinite examples read in the remembrances of ancient histories demonstrate how much difficulty there is for a people used to living under a prince to preserve its freedom afterward, if by some accident it acquires it, as Rome acquired it after the expulsion of the Tarquins. Such difficulty is reasonable; for that people is nothing other than a brute animal that, although of a ferocious and feral nature, has always been nourished in prison and in servitude. Then, if it is left free in a field to its fate, it becomes the prey of the first one who seeks to rechain it, not being used to feed itself and not knowing places where it may have to take refuge.” – Machiavelli, Discourses on Livy, Book I, Chapter 16

It don’t matter how many nails you hammer if they ain’t in the right place.

i must have bad posture at work. first it was just my hands, but now my shoulders are having problems too. i’m severely limiting computer time at home. updates will be sparse.

note: i am looking into speech recognition software.

There are multiple reasons why I haven’t written an essay-size entry for a while, but I think a big reason is that the table I keep my laptop on is too high. It’s not that comfortable to type. Plus, I get distracted by the television.

Humans are ultimately physical creatures.