“There’s man all over for you, blaming on his boots the faults of his feet.” — Vladimir, Waiting for Godot

I want to write a book with footnotes. It will be fiction and brimming with footnotes. Except none of these footnotes will actually exist. The pages will teem with 1’s, 2’s, 3’s, 4’s, or maybe asterisks and daggers, but there will be no accompanying note. The reader will just be left to wonder₁ what these numbers mean, and what the author meant to add.

I started on the 26th with a new habit I wanted to acquire: Writing down my 3 most important tasks in the morning.

So far, I’ve written them down every morning. That’s excellent.

It’s much better than having a really long to-do list, which will always disappoint because you can never finish it. I’ll add other things to the list, but I make sure to take care of the important things first. As Baltasar Gracian wrote, “A wise man does at once, what a fool does at last.”

Of the 5 days I’ve been doing this, I didn’t finish the MITs on two days. They were both Tuesday and Thursday, when I have the biggest class load. On Tuesday, I finished two of three MITs. On Thursday, I decided to only give myself two MITs, and then I ended up doing none of them. I got a lot more done on Friday, though, which I felt made up for it.

I was able to focus enough to finish my 3 current projects. As I wrote down my next 3 goals, I wanted to do so much more. I stopped myself. I limited myself to only 3 things.

We’ll see what happens as I get further into the school year, and the work piles up. For now, I’ll be proud of these small achievements. They’re the bricks, the foundation of something larger that we’ll only see a year from now.

Almost since the beginning of my comic, I’ve had this crushing fear of running out of ideas. It wasn’t until the day before yesterday that I realized how absurd it was. Here I am, almost 4 years later with over 400 comics, and I kept worrying that I would run out of ideas? What the heck?

As long as I’m living my life and observing it, I won’t ever run out of ideas.

A few days days ago, I sat in front of my computer ready to type. After weeks of frantic hanging out time in California, I finally had the solitude I sought. I was ready to write out something amazing. I had the time. But the words did not come.

I searched for something to write within my mind. Everything felt stale. I felt dull. “C’mon, I’m bored; I got nothing better to do. I should write,” I told myself.

I had no ideas. Or rather, I had nothing valuable to share with the world. I could not write.

A day later, I had several intriguing conversations with friends via instant messenger. One was about race, and one was about heartbreak. I found my mind buzzing with ideas — a storm of bees colliding with each other. I saw conflict; I saw beauty; new ideas burst forth.

No, my metaphors are confused. My mind was hard and barren. My old ideas decorate this landscape as trees who’ve lost their leaves and luster. Talking with my friends was like tilling the soil. New ideas grew rapidly — buds in spring.

Now, these ideas need to be cared for, so they can grow into something beautiful. Then, I will put them on display so people can admire them.

I had several bouts of boredom when I came back to school in Baltimore. I didn’t want to do anything, and I couldn’t think of anything new. For me, the cure for this is to talk to my friends. Really, it’s my panacaea. When I feel trapped by the drudgery of routine, I must open up to other people. When I am depressed and lonely, I must open up to other people. When I feel like life is dull and stale, I must open up to other people.

I am largely reactive when it comes to ideas. I need something in front of me. Tell me to sit down and write something funny, and I will be stumped. I find my best comedy comes when I’m in a store and I have a million items that just ask for a funny comment. My ideas for comedy and philosophy come mostly from my interaction with other people. I need outside stimulation.

Without my friends, I’d have nothing. I’d be a dull person with stale ideas. When I find myself feeling like that kind of person, I have to remember to seek out my friends.

Instead of being all mopey and sad that I’m going back to Baltimore, I’ve decided to be pumped up. There’s a lot that I can accomplish there, especially when it comes to my comic. I also can establish more discipline.

See you on the other side, dear readers.

I’m having trouble focusing on just one thing. Occasionally, I will have flashes of inspiration, but I haven’t been able to translate it into action. I’m typing downstairs right now because I find it impossible to focus when trying to type on the laptop in my room. While at school, I complain about not having a car. Now, though, I don’t have anywhere convenient to walk to when I need to just get away. I’d have to take a car to get to the library, but I have to share the car with my other family members. I suppose a possible solution is to get dropped off somewhere for a couple of hours, and then I can make myself work.

I also am don’t want to commit to anything. Spending time reading is taking away time from writing. Spending time doing X is taking away time from doing Y. It’s hard to get anything done unless you do one thing at a time, but I’m reluctant to commit to one thing. I can’t even read an article on the internet without flipping to another tab. It’s stupid, but sometimes I’ll read two articles at once. At least right now I only have one tab open.

Every time I’ve thought about productivity, I’ve thought about frenzy. I thought I had to be in a hyperactive state to be prolific. Perhaps it’s the exact opposite. Maybe I need to slow down. Do one thing at a time. Don’t think about what’s coming next. Just focus on what’s in front of me. I don’t know when’s the last time I felt really calm. For the past week or so, I’ve often been in a state of anticipation, waiting to hang out with my friends.

Our modern world seems to encourage a frenetic, multi-tasking lifestyle. The back of James Gleick’s book, Faster says, “Society’s in overdrive with no signs of braking.” Sure, multi-tasking will make me look busier but you don’t get shit done. Bouncing from activity to activity doesn’t provide adequate focus. Everytime you get interrupted, it takes another few minutes to get back into the flow of things. I have this terrible habit of playing music while I try to do work. Yet I don’t set a playlist, so I end up clicking on a new song every 3-4 minutes. It’s impossible to focus when working under those conditions.

So what? I’m saying I need to block time to work on something. I need to slow down. I need to do one thing at a time. I need to minimize interruptions. This isn’t anything I haven’t told myself before. But this is supposedly the year of discipline, so I’m actually going to have to do something about it. I’m not going to do anything drastic or revolutionary. I’m just going to praise myself everytime I do those things I need to do. Like right now, I haven’t flipped to check my e-mail or anything. I did get distracted by conversation with my sister, but whatever. Baby steps, haha.

The computer is just one giant distraction machine, isn’t it? I’ve got billions of things to distract me. Will power is a limited resource. Is working on the computer just going to sap me like being in the city? It may be wise to download one of those programs that will make my computer screen one giant word editor. I’ll experiment with that. It may fail because I need the internets so much, but I should just try it first.

I’m reconsidering my idea of moving the weblog because of Anirudh’s comment:

Everyone seems to go through this dilemma. It might be really hard if you start over from scratch and it’s worse if you’re writing it with an idea that people should want to read it. Also, online personas are overrated :)

While a symbolic reset is good, it’s stressful. I tried moving all my technical material to another domain and something just didn’t click.

The best thing to do at this time, as a friend of mine suggests, is to meet other weblog authors with similar mindsets, not necessarily the one’s you know in real life. Since everybody loves getting email you can get in touch with some of them.

I found it really nice and almost therapeutic to write to people who write online and keep up with their life.

How the city hurts your brain
An article about how the city overwhelms our brain while nature is more calming. I should add some type of “interact with nature” thing to my Laws.

A New Cigarette Hazard: ‘Third-Hand Smoke’
Wow, another reason not to smoke.

This “Agnoiologist” blog started on March 10, 2003. Originally, I was on a subdomain for agnoiology.com, and then I moved the blog to agnoiology.com proper. I’ve gone through some minor and major site redesigns, including completely changing the backend with a switch from MT to WordPress. Even with all these changes, the nearly six years have felt as if they’ve happened in one place. It was like I rearranged the furniture and even got a new phone number, but I’ve still been living in the same house. I’ve got an itch for something new and this time a redesign is not enough. It’s time to move on. It’s time to find a new home.

I’m not leaving quite yet. I’m still looking for that new place. My plan is to find a new URL for my weblog. I’m not sure if I’ll migrate all the old entries over or not. Regardless, I’m keeping up this website. I like having this public record of who I’ve been these past 6 years, even though I’m embarrassed by much of what I’ve written. Of course, I’m very proud of some of the writing.

It’ll be good to do this as a symbolic reset. It’ll allow me to form a new online persona. I also want a URL that’ll be easier to remember.

I “co-wrote” an article with my friend, Nick (guest post here), a while back in the Black Student Union’s news-letter, Perspectives. We didn’t communicate well, so Nick did most of the writing. I changed the ending, wanting to include a call to action. He added a bit more, and there it was. I probably would’ve forgotten about it if it wasn’t for something my friend Ryan said afterwards.

He’s the one who edited the article, and he noticed the tone was a little different at the end. He correctly accused me of writing it. I jokingly wondered if that was a bad thing, but he told me it was good. It made him inspired to act. The article was about how both parties were not doing what was in the best interest of the African-American community, like how Democrats took them for granted and how Republicans liked to take pictures with black people instead of working on issues (this was before Obama). I included a call to make sure one’s voice was heard, instead of lost within these two parties. (Perhaps I should find the actual text sometime.) It wasn’t the most elegant, poetic thing I’ve written, but it was good to hear that I helped light a fire within someone. When the protests took place after the whole racist party affair, I think Ryan said something about those words helping inspire him to act. Putting aside the politics of the issue, I’m really happy to have done my little part to spark a flame big enough that it led to action.

That’s the kind of person I want to be. The whole positivity paradigm I was talking about included being an uplifting, positive person. But I want to extend beyond my personal circle of friends. I want to inspire people to act. And that’s the kind of politician I want to be. I want to be the kind of public figure who inspires millions not only during his or her lifetime, but for generations after.

Because I am so enamored with myself, I kept a list of all my facebook statuses for 2008:

Shawn saw Tony and Angela get divorced.
Shawn has a special announcement coming.
Shawn is not leaving this Sunday; he is leaving the following Sunday. Good news!
Shawn is watching Sanford and Son.
Shawn is going back to Baltimore tomorrow. *sigh*.
Shawn enjoys yelling at the television. SEVEN FIFTY! ONE DOLLAR!
Shawn is recovering from the SARS and pumped for Super Tuesday.
Shawn is still recovering from the SARS.
Shawn is getting his daily dose of Wilford Brimley. Yet another reason to love The Price is Right.
Shawn is OVER 9000!!!
Shawn is total. TOTAL ECLIPSE, that is.
Shawn would walk 500 miles.
Shawn is hoping for a knock-out blow.
Shawn is going to do everything he can to help Obama win in Pennsylvania.
Shawn doesn’t think Obama will win Pennsylvania, but Obama will still end up with a bigger delegate lead at the convention.
Shawn is oh so close to spring break.
Shawn is back from Spring Break. *sigh*.
Shawn is going to have a lonely weekend.
Shawn is King Dedede. Ee-yup!
Shawn can’t fight in here! This is the War Room.
Shawn shouldn’t be surprised that ABC News would sink so low, but, nonetheless, he is shocked.
Shawn is thinking about Pennsylvania instead of work.
Shawn is worried about (another) all-out civil war in Iraq, and also why the media doesn’t harp on this instead of the Distraction of the Day.
Shawn is suffering from insomnia. argh.
Shawn is excited about the next round of primaries. Obama’s delegate lead will widen.
Shawn is waiting on Lake County.
Shawn is optimistic that Obama has essentially secured the nomination.
Shawn is not drinking before 11, really, he’s not. Done with finals.
Shawn hates packing.
Shawn is back home.
Shawn is just around the river bend.
Shawn is excited! Obama is the nominee!
Shawn is a Siamese cat who pretends he’s a chihuahua.
Shawn is wanted dead or alive or none of the above.
Shawn is aware of all internet traditions.
Shawn is what long trousers?
Shawn just watched Nathan’s hot dog eating contest. CHESTNUT WINS! CHESTNUT WINS! USA! USA!
Shawn is psyched for rafting!
Shawn is trying blue. It’s the new red!
Shawn will hit you with so many objects you’ll think you’re a Taiwanese politician.
Shawn needs to put together his filing cabinet.
Shawn is back from a video game marathon in Davis.
Shawn used to smoke pot with Johnny Hopkins.
Shawn has no phone, no lights, no motorcar. Well, he does have a phone.
Shawn once said, “If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North.”
Shawn likes how his friends still have rafting photos as their profile pics.
Shawn is listening to cats on mars.
Shawn had an interesting thought about noodles the other day.
Shawn temporarily switched places with someone who looks exactly like him. Watch out.
Shawn could put lipstick on an insurance company, or a pig; it’s still an insurance company.
Shawn is tomorrow homeward bound (starring Michael J. Fox and Sally Field).
Shawn put a gun in the waistband of his sweat pants and then shot himself in the thigh.
Shawn is waltzing with snowflakes. (LSD + Tchaikovsky = Awesome.)
Shawn is emerging from his finals-induced hibernation.
Shawn is laughing his ass off at the Cowboys.

“I was really inspired by everybody’s mustaches, so when Shaun threw me the ball I had to spike it as hard as I could in honor of mustache magic.” — David Baas

Mustache magic, hahaha.

From my notebook, in late November:

“Whatever happens, happens. Failure happens. Live with it. The point isn’t that you’ll never feel melancholy. The point is that you remind yourself it’s temporary, and force yourself to stay on track.”

From my notebook in August:

“A lawyer turned politician? How boring! I want my biography to jump off the page.”

Note: That last sentence originally came first, but I switched it for this weblog.

From my notebook in late April:

“To break away from the drudgery of routine, you need to open yourself up to other people.”

That’s something I need to remember when I go back to school in late January.

Well, only one final left. I’ve already written 30 pages worth of essays, and co-wrote a report for a computer programming project. I’ve barely studied for that last final too. Yeah, it’s a rough life, haha. Almost done. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Heck, it just might be beginning to look like Christmas.

I have this idea to post all of my essays from previous years on this web site. Maybe I can tell if I’ve improved or not.

I asked my friend Lance if I could reprint this note he had on facebook. He agreed, so here it is. I am a paper and pen kind of person; I would never bring a laptop to class. Yet I do agree that the way we teach and the way we test, especially, seems kind of primitive. Anyway, I still have an essay to finish. I’ll write my own comments on this later.

pen and paper technology – is that it?

As I study for my last final in school, NeuroAnatomy, I revert back to taking notes with a pen, writing bullets and key points and drawing arrows. I now realize that I only do this because it will make me pass the test. I am only allowed to be tested with the ancient tools of a pen and paper.

The test is not about whether or not I have the ability to understand concepts in NeuroAnatomy, nor is it really about NeuroAnatomy. Rather, it is about seeing if I can digest information using the tools the teacher finds most attractive, the pen and paper, and if I can represent that information using those same tools. What the hell is that? There’s not much I can show you about the brain with a pen and a piece of paper…

I have realized that I can learn anything I want and it’s definitely not a matter of passing tests. All it’s about is digesting information and piecing it together in a way that reveals a new truth about the world. And trying to create tools better than a pen and a paper to discover or recreate information.

I will do diligence in writing my notes with my pen on my lined sheets of paper because I will be tested and only allowed to use a pen and a paper. If I were only allowed to use images and conversation, I would practice communicating with other people about the answers to fabricated problems, just so I could pass that test. But let it be known, this doesn’t get me any closer to understanding “NeuroAnatomy”, it just teaches me how much better I can make it for other people learning NeuroAnatomy.

I would rather be tested by seeing if I could program an application that showed how cell signaling worked in the limbic system or how the visual system constructs images. Or to see if I could rewrite the NeuroAnatomy textbook using today’s amazing programming frameworks and Wikipedia, so that it made more sense, or to see if I could aggregate all the data on the internet about NeuroAnatomy to allow students to learn better. That would show you much more whether or not I knew NeuroAnatomy.

LoL

Ever think about how you hardly ever remember anything complex by writing it down? Some day we’ll be teachers and students won’t be using pens and paper anymore, or even a text editor on the computer which just postpones the learning problem. We need interactive and engaging experiences to really understand anything important.

There was an interesting description of the useless kind of practice in Talent is Overrated. He describes a golfing session where he just hits the balls around, without any plan on what to work on. While this kind of practice can maintain a certain skill level, it is not a path for improvement.

I see the same thing with my essays. I’m just writing things, but I’m not really responding to any feedback I get. In fact, I fear my skills have regressed because I just rediscovered that I should be writing outlines.

Taking off on Lloyd’s comment, I think “Remarks on an Unremarkable Life” will be the title of this autobiography, haha.

I’m looking forward to next semester. I only have class Tuesday through Thursday. That means I can devote one day to awesome things like writing. Also, football will be over, so I’ll have weekends to do things.

I was always struck by the early modern philosophers’ confidence in the process of introspection. I feel an emotion, and I am often very puzzled as to what is causing me to have that emotion. Maybe my rational mind is just unnaturally severed from my emotions. I don’t think so. I don’t even know what introspection or memory really mean. Your past self is dead, and your present self is just imagining himself as a past self. If I remember correctly from Daniel Gilbert’s Stumbling on Happiness, then memory often involves imagination. Yet those memories are something right? They’re not pure confabulation because they’re based on something that you remember. Anyway, even in the present moment, I often feel like a stranger looking into my own mind. There is an emotional experiencer, and then there is a rational mind trying to figure out what is going on. It really is a puzzle why I feel the way I do. I am rather sympathetic to Ryle’s formulation of one not really knowing oneself in a way different than other people know that same person. I hang out with myself all the time, so I am better able to figure out why I feel certain ways. So after this crude representation of Gilbert’s, Ryle’s, and my own thoughts, I turn to something less abstract and just tell you how I’m feeling right now. The caveat, though, is that these are mere suppositions.

I am waiting for myself to write 2 essays. I am currently at the state of mind where I am thinking, “I am this close to just saying, ‘Fuck it, I quit. Who cares about college?'” When it comes to writing essays, that’s just a normal stage of thought I go through. Honestly, it’s like the 7 stages of grief or something. I go through a certain number of stages when I have to write an essay. One of those stages includes complaining on the internet about the work I have to do. If I took the time, I could probably produce a general timeline of what happens when I do an essay. Now, I was about to say that this would be an entirely useless activity, but I’m not sure that it would be entirely useless. This year, I’ve become increasingly self-aware about my essay-writing process. I’ve been trying to stifle the griping, since I think it’s generally useless. And now, here I am editing my thoughts again, where I think that griping might actually be an essential part of my essay writing rather than a superfluous one. Hm. Nonetheless, I am still at the stage where I think this is entirely useless and wonder what the point of it is.

I can’t call that feeling merely a byproduct of the essay-writing process. I think it is a feeling that I generally have about college that is activated when I write essays. In fact, after I’m done with college, I’m going to write an essay entitled, “Thanks for nothing, you greedy bastards.”

Okay let me get this out of my system: Waahhh, I don’t want to do any of these essays!

Alright, time to get to work.

If Oprah can get people to read Anna Karenina, then she can get anyone to do anything.

“How many people, in the beginning of life, think they will finish it as Alexander the Great or Lord Byron, and instead, retain for the whole of their existence, the rank of titulary counsellor?” – A Hero of Our Time, Mikhail Lermontov

Various links I found interesting:

Huckabee Claims Civil Rights Of Gays Are Not Being Violated: They Aren’t Getting Their ‘Skulls Cracked’
This is disappointing. I’ve generally found Huckabee to be more reasonable. I seem to recall him being a voice of reason when the Jeremiah Wright issue was going full-blast. Huckabee will be on the Daily Show tonight. I hope Jon Stewart grills him.

Deficits and the Future
I should read and re-read this, so I will have a basic understanding of what’s going on. I should be able to counter those “we should stop spending” arguments.

Walesa’s Mustache, the Dalai Lama’s Smile, and Sarkozy’s Je Ne Sais Quoi
Not sure why this article caught my eye. It’s not terribly informative, nor is it particularly well-written. I do want to keep in mind that I would like to have this kind of star power when I have a political career.

After Deadline
Interesting blog from the NY Times:

After Deadline examines questions of grammar, usage and style encountered by writers and editors of The Times.

It is adapted from a weekly newsroom critique overseen by Philip B. Corbett, the deputy news editor who is also in charge of The Times’s style manual. The goal is not to chastise, but to point out recurring problems and suggest solutions.

Since most writers are likely to encounter similar troubles, we think these observations might interest general readers, too.

LeBron James “Chalk” Commercial for Nike Zoom LeBron VI
I am just loving everything about this commercial.

People have commented on my last two facebook statuses. This either means I’m a comedic genius, or that people spend way too much time on facebook. Oh.

It looks like Texas Tech versus Oklahoma is a shootout… but only one side is doing the shooting.

I have been lazy.

This is just a reminder that one must actively manage one’s decisions, in order to make any changes. I have to remind myself to be mindful.

The previous day, I finished every item on my to-do list. I don’t know when’s the last time that happened. I felt pretty damn good about myself.

I awoke relatively early this morning. This was a good sign, I thought to myself. Then, I proceeded to do nothing for several hours straight. I had become complacent and completely forgotten about industriousness. I have to remember to put success behind me.

In the end, the day wasn’t entirely wasted. I got some writing done. My e-mail inbox is getting much closer to 0.

Tomorrow, I’ll make sure to write down “Are you being industrious?” on my hand.

By the way, I’m making a list of possible virtues to concentrate for other months. So far, I have compassion, honesty, positivity, initiative, detachment, and cleanliness. I’ve also been thinking about taking things down to a weekly basis (as Franklin actually did), but I do like this several-week endeavor with industriousness.

[Note: Today is actually day 10, but I’m writing this late at night for day 9.]

I found this extract of Gladwell’s new book via Quad. I also saw Gladwell’s book discussed on Slate, and somewhere else. I want to highlight this section:

This idea – that excellence at a complex task requires a critical, minimum level of practice – surfaces again and again in studies of expertise. In fact, researchers have settled on what they believe is a magic number for true expertise: 10,000 hours.

“In study after study, of composers, basketball players, fiction writers, ice-skaters, concert pianists, chess players, master criminals,” writes the neurologist Daniel Levitin, “this number comes up again and again. Ten thousand hours is equivalent to roughly three hours a day, or 20 hours a week, of practice over 10 years… No one has yet found a case in which true world-class expertise was accomplished in less time. It seems that it takes the brain this long to assimilate all that it needs to know to achieve true mastery.”

So… 3 hours a day for 10 years to achieve expertise. That’s very practical advice. That’s a lot of time to spend in a day, but I do watch a lot of TV and I could easily cut most of that out without having lost anything. The real question is do I want to put in the work to master oratory or writing? It doesn’t seem as if I can do both. I guess that leads to another question: Which one will be more useful to me? Or maybe which one do I value more? If we look at past experience, it may seem as if I already have a penchant for writing. Yet when I imagine myself in the future, do I see myself as a writer or as an orator? If I want to be in front of crowds, I guess I have to work on my speaking skills.