These days, I hardly regret staying up late talking on AIM. It’s a rare thing. When it happens, I really enjoy the conversations and I really need the conversations.

I swear, there’s only one week after this where you’ll hear my fantasy football nonsense. I really want to talk about this because I don’t get any chances to talk about it in real life.

I’m down 11 points with Desean Jackson and Vernon Davis to play in an epic playoff showdown. If I win it, I go to the championship. (Yeah, it’s kind of weird that playoffs started in Week 14, and Week 15 is the last game.) As much as I’d love for my playoff hopes to ride on Vernon Davis (go 49ers!), I’d rather sleep easier knowing the Djax had a big day. If I had started Miles Austin, I’d already be ahead. Ah well.

I started Ryan Grant over DeAngelo Williams. I did this because I didn’t wake up early enough to change it, and earlier in the week I was unsure if he would play or not. If I had waken up earlier, I might’ve rolled with it anyway because I thought Carolina would get into a big hole and have to abandon the run. Or, I might’ve started DeAngelo over Djax, which would not have been a terrible play. It’d leave me in a small hole, waiting for VD to dig me out on MNF. Ryan Grant had a huge game, which I really needed. Both my running backs had awesome games, but this was countered by huge games from Brandon Marshall (who set an NFL record for receptions in a game, had 200 yards, and scored two TDs) and Thomas Jones. Looks like Thomas Jones was not the bust I thought he’d be.

I agonized over which defense to play this week. I had my pick between the Packers, Titans, and Ravens. Baltimore had Detroit, who was starting Culpepper at QB and ESPN had them ranked #1. The Packers were hot and got Chicago, with Jay Cutler throwing picks galore lately. Finally, the Titans had the Rams, who are not only rebuilding but also injury-plagued, starting their backup QB and not-so-great WRs. I decided to go with the Titans and was heavily rewarded. Any of them, would’ve been a good play. I was lucky that I picked the highest scoring defense of the bunch, and I can’t really attribute my pick to some particular prowess on my part. If I hadn’t started the Titans, I’d be in a bigger hole, but it’d still be surmountable considering the play-makers I have left. I’m glad I picked up the Titans a couple weeks ago. I’ve been using this strategy of picking up defenses two weeks before I need them; it’s worked out fairly well.

Go Banana Grabbers! I still believe!

This is worrisome: Blackwater Guards Tied to Secret Raids by the C.I.A..

Sick day = not get paid day. This is very different from college, where sick day = hooray don’t go to class day.

I’m not especially fond of working in an office. Need to think of other career paths.

Every floor plan for a house should have a loop so that children or dogs can chase each other.

2/3 on my predictions. Won my fantasy game and Favre threw two picks. (The reasoning behind this was that Arizona tends to show up for big games.)

My fantasy football team was 1-4 and is now close to being 8-5 (not official, but I don’t expect Mason Crosby to outscore Ray Rice and Ryan Grant by 40 points). There also have been some upsets lately, and I’m about to become the #2 seed in a four-team playoff. I’d rather have been the #4 seed because I really, really don’t want to have to go up against Drew Brees again.

Waking up early helped me this week. I benched DeAngelo Williams and started Roddy White, and then switched the Saints kicker. Injuries are worrying me. Hopefully I haven’t lost Williams and DeSean Jackson for the rest of the season. Especially with Roddy White going up against Revis week 15. I’m benching him that week.

Predictions:

Titans end the Colts winning streak.

Favre throws two picks.

I win my fantasy football game.

Last week, I was predicting Dennis Dixon would score a rushing TD, but I forgot to post.

After being a ribbon whore, I’m starting to grow tired of Farmville. I’m reaching the point where it’s going to take a ridiculous amount of time to achieve a ribbon. While I could stick with it, I grow weary of clicking hundreds of times in one sitting. Work already demands a ridiculous amount of time in front of the computer. I may just quit after a few more ribbons. (Just a few more, just a few more…)

Work is such a silly concept. I should’ve gone with my original plan: Live under a bridge and eat young children.

Work? Real work tomorrow? Growing up is stupid.

Raise with AKs. The calls seem like money in my pocket before the flop shows up. The flop can be frustrating. A once stellar hand can turn into garbage. I should be ahead. Reality, though, doesn’t care what should or shouldn’t be. It doesn’t make sense to be angry about even the most incredibly unlikely outcomes. It’s impossible to argue with the cards on the table. They are what they are and no amount of incredulity will change that. Fold your now-beaten hand or take your licks and wait for another pot. When it comes to poker, incredulity is worthless except in your opponents. Incredulity can make anyone call, just to see what they already know is true but cannot believe is true. [As usual, I suppose I will ramble less and become more precise when I write more.]

A good way to get information is to overhear or eavesdrop. Of course, one should never reveal that one was eavesdropping. It is almost always better to blame your insights on your powers of observation. Example: “Did you hurt your knee earlier? I noticed you winced when you put all your weight on it.” It is rude to eavesdrop, but never rude to be ultra-observant; in fact, to be ultra-observant is often impressive. Usually, it is quite simple to concoct a story about small things you observe now that corroborate what you overheard earlier. I suppose that this may also heighten your powers of observation even by practicing it after the fact.

It should be noted that it is okay, on rare occasions, to reveal that you were eavesdropping. This should only be done for dramatic effect, when the effect is desired.

I’m folding a lot. When I play poker, there are a lot of trash hands that I don’t want to deal with. Sometimes there are long stretches where I don’t get to play until the flop.

Currently, I spend most of the time studying my poker book. The rest of the time is divvied up between observing the other players and being distracted. My desk is really messy and needs constant cleaning. This is a huge contrast from my apartment, but my table was bigger than a desk. That was definitely one of my smarter decisions — forgoing a desk for a cheap table from Walmart. See what I mean about being distracted?

Ideally, I want to internalize more of the principles of good poker play. This can only come from playing more hands. I think it’s less about memorizing hands and more about memorizing situations. When I’m in the big blind, and it’s called all the way around, then, yes, I can raise with medium pairs. It’s difficult to memorize these situations in the abstract — that would be like reading the book and doing flash cards. It’s easier to memorize what to do when the situation is moored to experience, when I’ve actually done it.

As I spend less time with the book while playing, I want to spend more time observing the other players. The way they play also changes the situation. If someone raises me, I want to see if they’re a tight player or a loose player. If it’s more likely that they have a hand, then I’m more likely to fold. Or, how is the table playing? If I want to check-raise, do I think someone is likely to bet out?

Because of all the folding, I should have a lot of time to observe people. I think this fits my temperament. I like to watch and categorize. With a better sense of how the table is and how individuals play, I should be able to make better decisions. I also wonder if it will help me in life. Will I be more patient? Will I take the time to observe when I’m sitting out, so to speak, rather than be distracted? Will I grow more attuned to details? I don’t know yet.

I think there are three approaches to any task: Avoidance, Halfheartedness, and Obsession. I am starting to believe that only the first and the third are of any use. I am not convinced that there is anything in between being half-hearted and being obsessed. 3/4-hearted still does not cross over into obsession, and so should be eschewed.

Avoidance and obsession are really two sides of the same coin. If you’re obsessed, you’re avoiding everything else. I suppose the trick is to be obsessed with the right things at the right times.

After starting 1-4, I’ve battled my way back to 5-5. I’m sitting at 5th place, two games behind a logjam of 7-3 teams. I’m not mathematically eliminated from the playoffs yet! I go head to head with two of those teams that are ahead of me. If either of them slips up, I may slip into the playoffs. (You’re going down, Jason.)

BELIEVE in The Banana Grabbers!

This week, I was down 37 points before Monday night. Ray Rice and the Baltimore defense combined for 39 points. My poor friend Nick was in the unenviable position of cheering for the Browns. Shutout! Haha.

I’ve recently been playing poker online, and it’s an entirely different beast than informal home games. I’m actually sitting there with my book, looking up which hands I should and shouldn’t play before the flop. It’s going to take a while before I internalize all of this, which is why I haven’t started playing with real money yet. And even then, I’m going to start with the micro-limit games.

I had a hand that I think I played wrong. I was in the small blind with Kh-Qs. Lots of callers, no raises, so I decide to call. It wasn’t a raising hand, so I think that was the correct decision. The flop comes Jh 3h 8h. I have the second nut flush draw. Acting first, I decide to bet. I get 2 folds and 3 calls. I think I’m supposed to check-raise in that situation. I bet out not because I wanted to be fancy, but because the table was passive. I thought that no one would bet out, which had often been the case. I also thought that a check-raise would force everyone out, and that nobody was going to raise me. I figured a bet would get the most money in the pot. I also believed that playing aggressive on the flop might get me a free card on the turn, but a check-raise would probably be better for that. I think the assumption about nobody raising me was a poor one. Somebody may have had the flush made already or had the Ah; there were 5 other people in the flop. On the turn, the 9h makes my flush, so I decide to bet out. I get three calls, and then I do the same on the river and get three calls. My post-flop play is something I still need to work on, but I think I played it okay on the turn and river.

At some point, I hope I understand better what to do in this situation because I’m still a little confused. There are also tons of odds that I don’t have memorized yet. Ugh.

The part of my game that has improved the most is folding before the flop. I’m throwing away trash. I’ve also learned that I should be player tighter or looser depending on my position. Another thing I learned is that certain cards I thought were okay to play are actually not that great in a 9-person game. (Example: Unsuited big card with small card, like K5o.)

This is the latest episode in the saga of the Blackwater Massacre: Blackwater Said to Pursue Bribes to Iraq After 17 Died. At least I call it a massacre; the NY Times calls it “a September 2007 episode in which Blackwater security guards fatally shot 17 Iraqi civilians in Baghdad.” This is what we get for dealing with mercenaries.

“262. Know how to forget, even though it’s more luck than art. Matters best forgotten, are those best remembered, for memory plays the villain by forsaking us when we need her most, and the clown, by appearing when we would see her least; in all that gives pain she is most lavish, and in all that might give joy, most niggardly; at times the only remedy for an evil lies in forgetting it, and to be able to forget is the remedy; wherefore, train your memory to these comfortable manners, for she can bring you heaven, or hell: those self-satisfied are of course excepted, for in their state of innocence, they are already rejoicing in the happy state of feeble-mindedness.” — The Art of Worldly Wisdom

I think a good tool in learning how to forget is forcing myself to change as a person. That way, when I retrieve a memory, it’s difficult to relive it first-person. As I recreate the experience, my mind says, “Well, I totally would do this instead of that.” The person I am now and the person I was then become two separate entities. Preferably, the younger version of me seems alien — someone whose thought patterns are drastically different and hard to imagine.

Instead of these being my own memories, they become events that happened to someone else. It is like recalling what happened to a historical figure.

I should think of an example to make this less abstract, but I’m too tired. I’ll sleep now.

So It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is inching closer to Arrested Development in the race for my favorite TV show. I was laughing so hard when they were salting Gail the Snail.

With a win last weekend, I would’ve been in 4th place, sitting atop a logjam of 4-4 teams. Instead, I’m 3-5, dropped to 7th, and my playoff hopes have dimmed considerably.

This didn’t cost me outright, but I picked up the Cards defense for this week. They ended up scoring negative points for me. I was really high on them after seeing them beat the Giants, and their schedule over the next several weeks looked really tasty (Seahawks, Rams, Titans)… and of course, this week was the Panthers with the interception-machine Delhomme at QB. With all that information, I thought it was a no-brainer to pick up the Cardinals D/ST. I was also high on Dallas (pass rush woke up last week and would feast on an injury-depleted Seattle o-line), and San Diego (hello Jamarcus Russell). If I had picked up Dallas, I would’ve won. Ultimately, it was the future schedule that convinced me the Cardinals would be a better pickup overall. I should’ve considered the Cardinal’s inconsistency and lack of discipline on defense. It probably would’ve been safer to not roll the dice with them, when I had other options. Then again, I do love to roll the dice, and I could’ve had a massive payday instead of crapping out.

NOTE: Dallas would’ve won me the game, but the Chargers would not. I also had a choice to start the Colts defense, but elected not to because I was being a homer. They wouldn’t have won me the game anyway. (Any of these defenses would’ve put me in a better position to win the game, and with another Roddy White TD, this would have come to pass.)

My Halloween costume was a ninja-pirate-fireman.

• Ninja mask — $0, borrowed from Stevie
• Ninja shirt — $0, long-sleeve black shirt from home
• Ninja pants — $0, black pants from home
• Ninja sword — $0, borrowed from Stevie
• Ninja socks — $0, black business socks from home
• Ninja shoes — $0, my old all-black marching band shoes
• Pirate eye patch — $1.99, bought at Spirit
• Pirate cutlass — $3.99, bought at Spirit
• Colorful parrot — $0, borrowed from Richard
• Pirate belt — $0, brown belt from home
• Fireman’s helmet — $5.99, bought at Spirit
• Fireman’s jacket — $2.99, yellow jacket from thrift store plus duct tape stripes

I was excited about the entire outfit, but I’m particularly proud of the fireman’s jacket. I searched through several places to try to find a fireman’s jacket and the only one I found would’ve put me back over $50. Instead, I found a yellow jacket at a thrift store and then put duct tape on it. I’d like to think that I’m tremendously creative, but I put out a question on the facebook about fireman’s jackets and Sarah had the great idea to find an old jacket and put electrical tape on it. In fact, the entire outfit couldn’t have been done without help from my friends, because they helped me both with the execution of the idea and in procuring items for me to use.

Some fun things I’ve done semi-recently:

• Planned a 90s party
• Made the best 90s playlist ever
• Halloween hotel party
• Dressed up as a ninja-pirate-fireman costume
• Put duct tape on a yellow jacket I got for $3 instead of buying a fireman costume
• Hiked Mission Peak
• Saw Kim Peek at a speaking event
• Heard Kim Peek sing Grease before the event
• Touched an Oscar statuette

Halloween Night was a long night. To be precise, it felt an hour longer than it really was.

Dear Death,

I know how I want to die. You may have other plans. Since I am a tiny mortal, you are free to disregard my wishes, of course. You can take me away at any time and with any method. No matter the case, I shall be prepared and unafraid. Still, I only ask that you listen to my request.

When I grow older, I will move away from my beloved America to a country that does not hold freedom so dear. I will speak the truth and gather enemies. This will catch up to me, as you know from your experiences with previous brave men and women, but that is the point. I want to die like Cicero.

This, of course, dictates that certain things will not happen. It assumes that I will not have to die Cicero’s death in America. I hope that does not come to pass, but if it is necessary, I still put forth my request to die in this manner. If indeed this happens, I hope that I die sooner rather than later, because that would mean that many years had passed in which I had not saved my country. A patriot’s death would only partially redeem myself from the shame.

The one thing I do not wish to do is live in exile, grow old, and watch my country morph into a terrible monster. However, Death, if that is your plan for me, so be it. I shall bear such a fate, stoically. Living alone. Writing, writing, writing. Cramming as much truth as I can into pages of work, until you come for me.

Yours always,
Shawn

I’ve been asleep. (Metaphorically speaking, of course; I don’t take naps.) As I step forward, my unsteady feet betray the length of my slumber. I sway back and forth, re-learning that which I had forgotten.

While asleep, I sometimes go to fantastic places. It takes me a while to remember where I am, and even who I am.

I remember.

And my steps will become even and my breaths will be calm. The conqueror will walk amongst you once more.

According to the ESPN projections, I’ve been favored to win every single one of my games, except one, where the line was even. I do not have a winning record.

Item 1: After an atrocious 1-4 start, The Banana Grabbers have come roaring back with two straight victories, jumping from 8th to 6th place. I’m also 3rd place in points for. The stars were perfectly aligned. Ray Rice had a monster game. DeAngelo Williams and Ryan Grant faced crappy opponents for consecutive weeks. I picked up Miles Austin for this week, and Shiancoe last week.

Item 1a: Right call, wrong result. In poker, sometimes you make the right call, but the cards don’t go your way. I benched Vernon Davis, only to have him explode for 3 TDs. Of course, these came after Shaun Hill was benched, and the 49ers went to a spread offense. With the terrible play in the first half, it was the right call. I don’t think anyone could’ve predicted such a drastic change in play-calling… and really, hats off to Alex Smith, I never would’ve expected it.

Item 1a.2: Right call, wrong result. Leon Washington scored me zero points as a flex. He got injured, which you can’t predict. His backup, Shonn Greene, had two TDs. All I want to say is this: Leon Washington is more explosive than Greene.

Item 2: This anything goes after 5PM rule, for internet usage, isn’t working at all. Anything goes from 5PM-7PM, and then again after 10PM.

I’ve set limits on my general internet usage, which is similar to what I did with e-mail a while back. I actual felt less violence than when I limited e-mail or even when the internet broke on me for a while. Perhaps this was because I managed to distract myself by hanging out with a friend and filming for the greater part of the day.

There is a lot I need to do these days and limiting the amount of time I waste on the internet will certainly help me finish those things.

Currently, here is the plan: I get to check my e-mail once in the morning, but only for job alerts. I get to check facebook at 12:30 or later for posting stuff on my fan page or responding to fans. I then do not get to go on the internet again until 5:00PM. After that, I’m pretty much free to do what I want, but I may restrict that to a few hours of general browsing.

This Friday I’ll review and change the limits as necessary.

Alex Smith looked good against a Houston defense, which isn’t that great to begin with and wasn’t prepared at all for a spread defense. So I’m not ready to anoint him as the 49ers savior. Still, I hope he succeeds because then the 49ers don’t have to use a high draft pick on a QB.