Store clerk: “So, what kind of size posterboard do you want? We have 3 sizes: small, medium, and over-achiever.”

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Fortune cookie say, “Friends are like razor blades. Throw the dull ones away.”

Does anyone want to join the Typo Culb?

AIM conversation… I’m the second one.

Kaveman64: tomorrow is National “I Love You” day. If you got this then you are loved. Send this to 10 people in the next 143 minutes, and tomorrow will be the best day ever. Hurry ! no send backs

schizo killer: tomorrow is National “You are a Loser” day. If you got this then you are a loser. Send this to 10 people in the next 143 minutes and tomorrow will be the worst day ever. Hurry ! no send backs

“And if I should encounter God himself, I will wrap him in duct tape.” I said it, and I don’t remember who I said it to, but I think I was talking about my duct tape necktie at one point in the conversation.

“You’re like my retarded shadow.” – Mr. Gaines. Said during class. Hilarious, especially because it was true of the person he said it to. (A dumbass through and through.)

Winner? I won’t pick this time. I’ll let you, the reader, decide.

[1:50PM]EDIT: Two new remembered quotes:

“You know what school needs: more guns.” – me. It got a good laugh in physics class when my teacher brought a nerf gun, but I don’t think it’s all too great a quote out of context. It’s there anyway.

“Having a band is like having six girlfriends all at once.” – Ian. Ian was getting phone call after phone call. Hence, the quote.

Winner? Still letting you decide.

Arrrrr… today be Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Too bad it’s the weekend, otherwise I’d be having fun with this at school (instead of writing two papers in non-pirate lingo).

Good news: Opus is once again a full half page on the San Jose Mercury News. I never sent anything off to them, but I wonder if anyone else did (not anyone who reads this, of course, but just Opus fans in general). Actually, way back when, Clear Blue Water was the some syndicate’s “featured” comic, so maybe it’s not so featured anymore. Anyway, Opus back to regular size, good.

The moment of levity that makes the title plural: I made a tie out of duct tape. Well, not completely, there’s an actual old tie on the inside. So, I wore it on Friday, and it didn’t receive bad reviews. I’m not going to wear it again on Monday, but I probably will sometime this week. [picture to be added later today if I manage to finish my homework early]

I will be plunging back into politics tomorrow, mostly commenting on the latest negative press on the Bush administration.

I’ve had more human contact this August than last month, but I still had trouble finding quotes. I guess I wasn’t in a quote-finding mode. I think there may have been some candidates, but they’ve long since disappeared from the remembering part of my mind.

There isn’t even a real quote for you today! It’s just a snippet of instant messaging conversation:

schizo killer: I kind of like mild fruit scents, but then I again, I also liked the smell of that stuff they used to preserve dead cats.

Chops LM: I like the smell of skunks and stink bombs.

Chops LM: Also chocolate.

There isn’t even a real context:

Chops LM: You know what’s weird? Today I read in Psychology Today that the factor that affected whether women were attracted to men most, second to a nice personality, was scent. And that people’s scents are determinded by their immune system genes, and people are atttracted to people that smell different from them, so their kids will have a wider range of immunities. People who get pregnant by someone who smells similar to them have a higher likelihood of having a miscarriage.

Chops LM: and When people are on the pill, their body thinks it’s pregnant, so they’re attracted to people with similar smells to them, and scientists think that’s so they’ll stay with their family, because that’s the safe thing to do when you’re pregnant. So women who are on the pill, and then marry a guy and then get off the pill start not liking their smell. And one of the most common reasons that therapists hear for women wanting to end relationships is because they “can’t stand his smell.” Isn’t that weird?

schizo killer: woah

schizo killer: yes

Chops LM: I feel the need to tell everyone that. It’s hecka weird. And it is supposed to work the same way for guys, minus the pregnancy part, but just to a smaller degree.

That was just the text that came before that snippet.

I guess that’s it for today, unless something randomly comes up, or something randomly jogs my memory.

09/01/04 – EDIT:

Random flash of inspiration! Actually, this was prompted by the comments.

“They’re on the same wacko wavelength.” – Wenschel

My cousin uttered this quote when commenting on her brother’s ability to instantly improvise in-jokes along with my sister.

“Oh shit, it’s already today.”

I wrote down this quote during NSLC. I don’t remember who said it. In any case, it was around midnight and it was uttered that it was already today.

“This city looks no better than it did 14 billion dollars ago.” – Mr. Foster

Referring to the Boston Big Dig.

“Uh, Shannon, your hair is in my shoe.” – Aaron

My sister was lying down with her head above my cousin’s shoes, which were off at the time.

In and out of context award:

[to come later]

I don’t like the Olsen Twins. I don’t think they’re hot. You know why? Because they were on Full House. It’s a rule: You can’t think anyone from Full House is hot.

The Olsen Twins? No.

Bob Sagat? No. The hair! The unfunniness.

That one guy who’s doing the 10-10-flavor of the month commercials? Wannabe hot. Definitely not.

The one guy who did all the cartoon voices? No. Look at those outfits.

None of the girls on the show.

It’s just a rule. That, and they really aren’t all that pretty.

About half and half, from Josh and me. At first, I was worried that there wouldn’t be any, but there was a flurry of filler quotes towards the end of the month, spurred by an initial contribution by Josh. Here they are, in no particular order (I’ll reveal the winner at the end)…

“There are people in New York, but not in Massachusets- Maybe they’re all puppets!” – Stevie

WeirdJosh: the first one’s context is that me and Stevie were talking, and I was loudly exclaiming my incredible unconcious tendency to mime my conversation with any stuffed animals I happen to be holding

WeirdJosh: which led into me possibly working with the Muppets, and then wondering how one went about getting the qualifications for that, and then mentioning a Puppet Institute of Massachusets

WeirdJosh: to which we both laughed and Stevie said that no body lived there, and that she couldn’t even imagine “Massachusets people”

WeirdJosh: and then I said that the puppeter institute was probably in New York, and then the quote

“SHE’S A GIRL! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO TOUCH HER!” – Shane

WeirdJosh: and for Shane’s, his little brother was at prom, but wasn’t dancing. eventually he did, however, he did it at a three foot distance

WeirdJosh: hence Shane’s outburst

“It’s all about putting people down to make yourself feel better.” – Jason

We were trash talking Awards Night. Here’s the line before the quote: BuRniNgCiGar: talking trash is awesome.

“When [your dad and I] got married, we went to Hawaii for Halloween…” – my mom

She meant honeymoon, but she said Halloween.

“well next time u’ll just have to spring it on her” – Lindsay

WeirdJosh: context: I was talking to Lindsay who was talking to her crush, and then we switched rails slightly over to mine, and I mentioned that I hadn’t given her a classic greeting in a while, and then the quote

“I always called them sausage plants.” – Heidi

Euh, $10 says I got the name wrong of the person. I’d never really talked to her before in math class, and I’m already bad with the names of people I do know. She was working on a game board for Ms. Weltchek’s, and it was a park scene. Next to the lake were cattails. I commented on them, and she didn’t know what I was referring to. Evidently, yeah, she called them sausage plants, or hot dog plants. The point is, the gameboard looked swell. Actually, the point is the quote.

And the further point… the winner is…

Shane.

Didn’t do them last month because the ol’ weblog was down, so here they are, a little late:

“I didn’t dry my hair and when I went outside, I got chlamydia.” – Craig

It has been so long that I don’t really remember the context. He was certainly making fun of someone.

“I wish I was a plastic bag.” – Delora

Walking to the band room, relatively quiet, saw the serene plastic bag floating in the wind.

Hm… which one to pick as the winner. I guess Craig’s chlamydia quote.

In context award:

“It’s a jackal!” – Craig

Every single Pictionary round answer. And, he wasn’t even playing.

The dumbness of a homework assignment is directly proportional to the amount of time I’ll spend procrastinating. Note: If the assignment is infinitely dumb, I’ll just end up never doing it.

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Hatred is like the purest liquid — no matter how much you drink, you will always end up pissing it out.

Your tidbit of “wisdom” for today.

For some odd reason, I get this Friday off and next Monday off. Okay, Friday’s actually a teacher work-day, but there’s no reason for Monday. Someone else and I decided to come up with an occasion to provide reason for this: Almost Presidents’ Day.

Almost Presidents’ Day celebrates the people who ran for president, but never quite made it, especially those who ran multiple times. Men like Thomas E. Dewey, and William Jennings Bryan. The man we most honor most is Henry Clay, the great compromiser. I think he holds the record for most times running for US president and losing.

Oh yeah, and third party candidates (like Debs), don’t count. Just like how they don’t count in the election (kidding).

My Zen koan: If Jesus was a professional wrestler, what would be his finishing move?

What’s the answer? Why, the answer lies within you, my friend. I cannot give you the answer… but here are some responses I’ve been given:

• The Crucifix
• The Resurrection – where he comes back after being pinned and then wins
• The Second Coming
• Bible Breaker

So, if you’ve got any responses, please add them. If you can describe any of the moves that do not yet have a description, please comment. If you think this is not funny and I am blasphemous, please refrain from commenting.

Those responses are good and funny, but we all know the real answer, right?

From third place to first place…

“T-I… Donkey Kong!” – Shannon

Is there really context? After looking at a TI Calculator, my sister somehow messed up this Donkey Kong song from one game.

“It’s impersonal and all about the Benjamins.” – Tony

We were having a group discussion about the line, “Business is business,” in Death of a Salesman.

“If E.E. Cummings had written Winnie the Pooh, it would be much more disturbing and have sex in it.” – me

We’re doing a English project on a contemporary American poet or playwright (some are both). I was reading my poetry book on E.E. Cummings. I showed Emerald the book (at her request) and she asks, “Didn’t he write Winnie the Pooh?” My response wasn’t immediate. I thought that one up later, but still said it.

[03/05/04 – EDIT: Added context.]

CORN PALACE WEB CAM!!!! Okay, it’s not that great, but I just think it’s funny that the Corn Palace has a web cam. I originally saw an old picture of the Corn Palace in my history book, so I looked it up online, and found that.

Hm, all girls this time… Wasn’t intentional, just how it happened…

“Hey, you’re vibrating.” – Lindsay

I don’t know how that one happened. Craig was sitting next to Lindsay, and somehow, she found reason to say that.

“You look like Easter!” – Sarah

Sarah was loudly commenting on the wardrobe of Jenna and Ganesh.

“See, that’s why I’m not a squirrel.” – Megan

She was mentioning how someone she knew had run over a squirrel, and how it smelled. Another guy mentions how he ran over a squirrel with a mountain bike (but the squirrel was still okay). We all don’t want to be run over. I guess that’s why we’re all not squirrels.

Winner: “According to the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS), more than half of teenagers are virgins until they are at least 7 years of age…” – school newspaper article by Christina

Typo. She meant 17. But it was a hilarious typo.

[02/06/04 – EDIT: Was just quotes… commentary added today, which is way later than “tomorrow”]

Sometimes, when I’m in the fog, I like to pretend that I’m all alone. In fact, I like to imagine that there’s no universe out there. I can keep going and going, but I’ll never reach anywhere, because I am nowhere, in the middle of nothing. But once I hit the oncoming car, I have to stop.

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There’s no analysis for the title, this time. I said that I took a blurry picture of my hard drive. Ian misheard, and thought I said, “heartthrob.” So, I named the title after that misunderstanding.

Alright, alright, you can make up an analysis for the title if you want to, anyway.

Looks like it’s the month of me for this month’s edition of the Out of Context Awards.

In fourth place: “Who needs internet when you’ve got booty?”

Context: While I was talking about how I wish I could be a pirate, I mentioned that pirates wouldn’t have an internet connection. Then, I uttered that quote.

In third place: “Ian McKellan is not girly!”

Context: Well, we (my cousins and I) always said Orlando Bloom (Legolas) looked like a girl. Then, Wenschel, noticing all of them had long hair at one point in the video game, I think, says that they all look girly. I say that because earlier I was joking about how Ian McKellan was the hottest one in the Return of the King. (Might have spelled his name wrong, too lazy right now to check the DVD.)

In second place: “You’re still ramming this metal rod into someone, and you can still hurt them, even if it does have a rubber tip.”

Context: I was talking about a fencing foil, okay.

Winner: “I’ve yet to meet a ninja with a ghetto accent.”

Context: Interestingly enough, this quote came from the same conversation as the 2nd place quote. Still talking about how a foil can hurt, I try to use an analogy involving the hand and how soft, yet deadly it is. To further illustrate my point, I ask the person to imagine that she is a master ninja. She replies with something like, “Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout? I am.” So, I reply with my line.

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There really is no more orange juice in that carton. I used the Bulge (in) effect from Microsoft Image Composer to get that effect.

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No uber-crazy title this time. “Keys to Infinity” is easy to explain: keys refers to piano keys, and the infinity refers to the music that can arise from these keys. I used a sepia filter on this photo.

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I took a picture of my pencil lead and then, on a whim, decided to entitle it “Justice.” Bonus points to anyone who can figure out any real link between the picture and the title.

EDIT (10:29 PM) – Best one gets to be stolen and embellished by yours truly.

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What does it mean? You answer that.

I didn’t want to write today, so that’s why I just took a picture.

Now that I have my DSL back, I want to tell a story:

One time, there was this guy. He patrolled during lunch. My friend and I only saw him at lunch. My friend and I wondered who he was.

My friend would ask, “Who is that guy?”

I would reply, “I do not know.”

So, we continued to see him and lunch, and continued to wonder. Yet after a while, we did not wonder so much as we used to.

Then, one day, we realized that we no longer saw that guy.

I asked, “Who was that guy?”

My friend replied, “I do not know.”

We wondered about his disappearance, and who he was in the first place. No ideas we came up with were satisfactory. We decided that we should find out should the opportunity arise.

If I were to see him again, I would ask that guy, “Who are you?” My friend would also do the same.

Then, we still never saw him. So, I guess it will always remain a mystery.

But if you, or any of your loved ones, can provide any clues to help solve this unsolved mystery, please tell me. Your message can be anonymous. Perhaps you can help me finally figure out, “Who was that guy?”

Didn’t really pay attention to any good ones, but I managed to get a few.

Runner-up: “Fuck you, neighbor.” My friend Ryan was dressed up as Mr. Rogers for Halloween, this year.

Runner-up: “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. We were talking about Ian dressing up as a Neo-Nazi for next year.” Somehow, we got to talking about dressing up as a Jew for Halloween, and then someone dressing up as Hitler, but then changed it to a neo-nazi. Then, another person tried to join in the conversation after not hearing all of it. Not a good idea when stuff like that is talked about.

Winner: “You’re wiping your hiney with the lungs of the Earth.” – Ms. Armstrong. We were talking about global warming, deforestation, and human consumption, etcetera, in theology class. By the way, is it actually spelled “hiney” because I can’t find the word in any dictionary? Stoopid English colloquialisms.

So there ends this month’s OoCA. I think I had one more quote written down, though. I’ll look for it tomorrow to see if there actually was one. I’ll also be posting about my Halloween costume tomorrow.