Since today is Independence Day, I urge you to read Langston Hughes’s Let America Be America Again. It is the greatest poem about America — actually, the greatest poem period.

This is probably in violation of copyright, but I can’t help but give an excerpt of the end:

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose–
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people’s lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath–
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain–
All, all the stretch of these great green states–
And make America again!

Alright. I am already fucking sick of Christmas music. This is not going to be a happy holiday season.

This time around, I’m just thankful to be home.

In honor of pi day… from memory…

3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459

Still got it. My one useless talent. Whoo.

I figure it’s good to have at least one useless random hidden talent so that if anyone surprises you on the street for some TV show, you can do something amazing.

Personally, I think the Super Bowl should be a holiday. I mean, everyone should get the next Monday off. We could replace Columbus Day. He discovered America how long ago? Old news, old news. Or, we could replace Labor Day. I mean, after the 1980’s, the labor movement was dead anyway. Why should we celebrate it? It’s almost a holiday celebrating Socialism. The Super Bowl is infinitely more American than either of those two holidays, or even both of them combined. It celebrates two distinctly American things that every American is obligated to love: football and commercialism. That’s why it should be a holiday.

When’s the last time I did a list-log? I completely forgot about the utility of these.

• No annoying songs
• No horrible TV specials
• Football
• No lying to children
• Christmas gets less magical as you get older
• Thanksgiving gets better with age
• Easier to ignore certain relatives
• No shopping (no parking!)
• Less decorating
• It’s only one day
• No burn-out from having to deal with it since after October
• Turkey
• Less rigamarole

Bye, 2004. Not too shabby for a year, but I think we can do better. Here’s to 2005, the year of new freedom! Happy New Year, everyone!

A group of concerned Romans are on a crusade to bring back the real meaning of the holiday season: worshipping the gods. They are demanding that department stores greet their customers with “Bona Saturnalia!” rather than the all-inclusive “Happy Holidays.” So far, their boycott has been unsuccessful, but they are hopeful.

“Of course we’re not going to get results right away. For almost two thousand years, we’ve let them get away with hijacking our holiday. They’ve added so many elements: the creche, Jesus… It’s just not the same holiday. And don’t get me started with the secularists. It’s about time we took back the holiday,” said one unhappy ancient Roman.

Indeed, while we used to look at a representation of Saturnus, now we have Santa Claus. A recent survey indicated that “practically no one except a couple of losers” celebrate Saturnalia.

Still, the ancient Romans are not discouraged. One Roman explains, “It’s not just about taking back our holiday, but about excluding people. That’s what the holiday season is really about: excluding those who don’t share our beliefs.”

Merry Christmas to all — to even the most evil of hearts, and the greatest of liars.

Or Happy Whatever-else-it-is-you-celebrate!

Although I haven’t always been an atheist all my life, I have always been somewhat of a skeptic. I remember an incident in second grade when I was denying the existence of Santa Claus. I was saying it was all our parents doing. Then, one kid said he had once received a present that none of his relatives could have afforded. I was still skeptical, but what could I do against such an anecdote? I conceded that maybe Santa did exist, but for the majority of people, it was still just their parents.

Now, I’m older, and I know for sure there is no Santa. I know his anecdote is wrong. You know what? Despite what the “where’d this present come from” and “I didn’t hire that Santa” sitcom and cartoon endings may indicate, there are no Christmas miracles due to Santa. Santa is a lie.

I didn’t always think of it as a lie. I used to think of Santa as a metaphor. My cousins still believed in Santa at one point, and my parents didn’t want me to “ruin” it for them. So, my mom taught me that Santa was a metaphor for giving. I went with it.

But why ascribe giving to Santa Claus? What’s wrong with giving by itself? There’s no purpose for Santa Claus if it’s just some metaphor. A Santa that is a metaphor is no Santa at all.

I think about gods the same way I think about Santa Claus. (Well, not as a lie.) People give these anecdotes about miracles, but I’m extremely skeptical. I was already duped once with Santa. I’m not going to get duped again. Okay, I realize this statement could offend people, but I really do see it somewhat the same way.

I also will never believe in God as a metaphor. Some people say God is love. I don’t buy it. Why not just believe in love then? A god that is a metaphor is no god at all.

Picture of bus. From Halloween. We won for best group. More details later.

Really, I guess I’ll spend the day packing. I don’t know anything about my trip right now. Except that I’m going to the East Coast. Somewhere there, in the Mid-Atlantic states. And I’m leaving around midnight, which would make it Monday morning.

That’s it. I’m not looking forward to going. Nothing in particular, just not looking forward to it. Actually, there is one thing… Public bath facilities. Yuk. I hate public restrooms. Almost as bad as standing in line. Or worse, standing in line for the public restroom.

I’m rambling. That’s because I’ve had no rest. I got back today. I’m leaving in a little over 24 hours. I’m probably not going to sleep on the aeroplane, either, so with the time difference, that leaves me… one day without sleep.

What am I doing for our nation’s birthday? I’m not sleeping. Not counting when I lived in Colorado, this will be one of the few times I haven’t messed around with fireworks. I have a feeling that that tradition is fading away. I’m betting that eventually, they won’t allow any fireworks in our town.

I don’t know if I’ll have internet access where I’m going (I doubt it), so tomorrow will be the last entry for a while. And don’t expect it to be much better than rambling, either.

No, not the actually “adventure,” but the way it was written.

I simply tell what’s happening in order to tell what’s happening. I don’t have a greater point in mind. The events don’t lead anywhere. I could start anywhere in the narrative, and the story will sound the same. There is no beginning. There is no end. There is no conflict, no tension. Most of all, however, I reiterate that there is no greater point in mind. That’s what makes it uninteresting. The only thing separating those entries from a typical Xanga entry was complete sentences.

There’s a difference between telling a story and rambling. I was merely rambling in those entries. The only reason I wrote them was so I could revisit them later. Yet, now I think, will I care later on?

Stories always have a point — even humorous stories. You can’t just tell a tale, then trail off. There has to be some type of punchline. That’s what makes them good. That’s what my entries bad. Now, compare this with the list of my “action-packed weekend.” The list is more powerful because it takes out the repetitive narrative. Although the list has no beginning or end, it has more tension than the Halloween Two narrative. You won’t get bored as easily.

Either tomorrow, or the day after, I’ll be posting pictures. That’s what I should’ve done in the first place. A picture can say much more than words. It would make the entry more interesting and, again, less repetitive.

From now on, I will try to make posts that are more cogent — that have a point. I must remember to differentiate myself from others’ uninteresting rambling. Part of the point of this weblog is to have other people read it, and if I’m writing junk, how can others find a modicum of respectability?

No website for the past few days. No weblog. I had had little sleep over the past few weeks, even missing fencing on Thursdays. I was no closer to finishing any projects. I had a whole bunch of tests lined up that day. Yet, I was really happy sitting there on the bench, eating my lunch. None of my friends were dressed up for Halloween Two, but I was still incredibly happy. I tried telling random people, “Happy Halloween Two,” but they ignored me. They didn’t even have the courtesy to gawk at my ostentatious royal purple king outfit, with construction paper crown. Hah, but I was still happy in my dumb costume. Why? Perhaps because I felt so incredibly alive?

Tension had sort of abounded lately amongst my acquaintances. Yet, in that silly costume, none of it mattered. No, putting on the king outfit wasn’t an escape. It wasn’t the costume that was fake; it was life that was fake. I felt so, well, alive, knowing that life was just a joke. People take it way too seriously. If people took life less seriously, then I could kill way more people. But really, if life is a joke, then isn’t it easier to find a place in our hearts to forgive? Those transgressions against us, they’re just part of the joke. Stop taking them so seriously. Why waste energy on something so trivial? Remember, to err is merely human. To err a lot, that’s just a lot more human.

In my Major Religions class, we were learning about Hinduism, and “maya.” Maya is the cosmic illusion — its the finite. We perceive ourselves as separate, but we are really one essence, according to Hinduism. Now, I didn’t see this, but this realization was similar. It also reminded me of another school topic. In English, my group is doing a project on the Theater of the Absurd. The tragic absurdist hero is one who attempts to insert order into a naturally illogical universe, and suffers as a result. In essence, the absurd nature of the play is more real than a more logical play and plot.

I was piercing through this veil of the routine of life. I could see the world clearly for what is was: insignificant. All our little, and big, problems mean nothing. My problems, too, meant nothing. I was without a care. That’s partly why I must have been so happy.

All those people seeing me on the bench, dressed as a king, who thought, “What a fool!” were wrong. Really, the joke is on them. They’re the fools! They’re taking life way too seriously — wrapped up in their little world, where all that matters are their problems. In the grand scheme of things, is what I’m doing any less absurd than what they’re doing? They’re trying to inject all these rules, and it comforts them, but they’re arbitrary. They’re just following. Following the others and their rules. Following the day as it goes along. I’m the one living in reality, they’re not.

Once inside French class, I once more draped the cape over mineself. Hans had drawn chest hair with a black pen. Katie had a pumpkin, but it was faded so I didn’t take a picture. Someone else had a good pumpkin, which I did take a picture of (I’ll include the name later). Ms. Schroeder found a dress for Richard, and a mask. He looked great. We three kings (well, I was the only one dressed like a king) stood outside the door, wishing mostly random people a Happy Halloween Two. I saw Jason in the hallway. He had on a helmet, which wasn’t actually for Halloween Two, but it was cool, anyway.

We had an oral and written test in French, but I guess it wasn’t too hard. At least, Richard, Davin, Han, and I “rocked out” with some singing. “Under Pressure,” “Chamelion,” “Louie Louie,” the charge fanfare, and general beat-boxing. Most of this was recorded on the French oral test tapes, heh. After the quizzes, — suprise! — FIRE ALARM! This is not a drill, folks. (Just not a true emergency either). That just gave us a chance to parade out in our costumes. We wore them as we evacuated to the football field. Mr. Newton wasn’t there, so band just socialized at its designated spot. And yet, we didn’t lose anyone. I learned from Delora that she thought “Halloween Two” was some sort of movie, not a holiday. Slick! All told, the way there and back (and trust me, we took the long way back), we told a lot of people, “Happy Halloween Two.” I absolutely loved it. Mr. Lee even stopped by the French room, asking about it. We told him that it was Halloween Two. He said he would’ve dressed up as Jamie Lee Curtis, if he had known. Instead, he says that Richard already did, or something to that effect.

I kept the outfit on for lunch. Lunch gave me a chance to show people who saw the crown, but not the cape, like Corinne. I kept a look-out for people dressed up to some degree. I took a few more pictures. I think I missed Sonja, though, she had on an excessive amount of eye-liner. I told more people to have a Happy Halloween Two. I even told Mr. parker, my freshman history teacher (coolest teacher at Moreau), and he said he wished that he had got the memo. That was encouraging. Ryan didn’t come until later in lunch. He wasn’t dressed up, but he had some Valentine cards off that “intro-net” that were hilarious. [website later] Before Ryan came, Ms. Roach, an AP, asked about my costume. Hans had already told me earlier that “Phyllis” already knew about it. I told her it was for Halloween Two. She told me to take off the crown. I started to take off the cape, as well, but she told me to keep it on! Wow! And, I had gone through the day half-thinking I would get a detention. Maybe all teachers aren’t out to get you.

So, because of all that, I had the self-confidence to stay in costume during Major Religions. No one else in that class was dressed up and half (probably more than half) hadn’t even heard about Halloween Two. Mr. Steeb asked why I’m in costume. I told him it was for Halloween Two. People were kind of going, “What?” And Mr. Steeb said that he didn’t want to get into it (such a great conversation on Hinduism). Heh.

In chemisty, we had a test, but I kept on the costume. Mr. Fryman asked if anyone called me a “royal pain.” Mr. Fryman is a funny guy — sometimes boring during lectures, but still a cool person. I think the general atmosphere of Friday, before the 3-day weekend, and Valentine’s Day, helped me stay out of trouble, too. I’m sure I got every problem correct on the test, except one. anyway… a subplot: Some wears my hat (not the first person — Chris, Alex, Kalpana, Davin…). Recently, in Major Religions (the class before), we learned about how Hinduism says not to repress desires. Mr. Steeb also goes into the psychology a bit, with little kids, how they want ice cream. So, give them enough until they get sick of it. Thus, I had asked for the crown back, but he said no, and I decided not to press the issue. He eventually realized the crown would not bring him happiness. It was taken off during the test, I think; I got it back later. I leanred that Nick was dressed as “badminton Joe.” Jarod was wearing his “Tony” sweater that he wasn’t wearing earlier in the hallway.

So, with the whole day, I was surprised by getting way more positive feedback than I expected, even if it felt a bit hollow, at times. People hadn’t dressed, but after seeing my follow-through, I think some partly regretted not dressing up. It rained after school, but even that didn’t dampen my spirit. I continued to wear it in the rain.

The End

[Note: Not yet grammar-edited.]

I walked into jazz band with only a yellow construction paper king’s crown on my head. Actually, first, I talked to Darryl, my second trombonist, outside the bandroom. He said everyone called everyone else to chicken out at the last minute. I said, “What? You guys are all bastards.” But I’d already made up my mind to wear the stuff anyway. Luckily, he told me he was lying.

In jazz band, we didn’t have the strict Mr. Newton; we have Joel. If Newton was there, we would’ve gotten the ol’ exasperated, “Stop that,” or “take that off,” which is a reward in itself, but Joel is looser. so, I whipped out the purple — royal purple — cape from my backpack. It drapes over the shoulders, and has two white strips on the collar area, with black dots all over the white [pics to be added later]. I ended up wearing my costume during all of jazz (pretty much, I do shrug it off because it gets a bit itchy). At the beginning of jazz band, Hans took off his dress jacket, revealing his “sailor shirt.” He told me that he was Russel Crowe from Master & Commander. He had his hair tied back, too, which is different from how he normally wears it. Darryl wore mostly green. He donned a towel as a cape, and then put on construction paper eye-wear. He says he’s a “Super Hero In Training (SHIT).” Alvin said he had a costume out, but didn’t have time to put it on because he was running late. Biff only brought in a Count (from Sesame Street) mask, on a popsicle stick, but he did bring in a real pumpkin. Rather than being disappointed in those who didn’t dress up, I was happy about those who did. Okay, so Hans and I came up with the idea and follow-through of Halloween Two, but at least Darryl dressed up.

Math class wasn’t so great. I took off the cape, but I held the crown in my hand, because, you know, stuff I was wearing wasn’t exactly in dress code. It was geting late, so when I walked to math class, the halls were rather empty. I was even late to math, but I told the substitute teacher that I was late because of jazz. Even if I was marked late, it wouldn’t matter, I just decided to try the excuse. Wait, rewind a bit — substitute teacher! If my regular teacher had been there, I would’ve sat down, and pulled out the cape, but no… So, we started the day with an unexpected quiz. Joy. I always get 100s in the class, however, so I didn’t worry. Math class was boring as usual. Notes were handed out that didn’t even explain the tedious homework. No one else dressed up for Halloween Two.

It did get better. As I walked down the halls to French, I greeted people. Tony was dressed in all black; it was great. I donned the crown at various times to wish various people, “Happy Halloween Two.” I only specifically remember greeting Emerald and Corinne. No one besides Tony was dressed up.

Once inside French class…

To be continued in My Big Halloween Two Adventure Part Two.

[Note: I haven’t spell- or grammar-checked this entry yet.]

[Another note: Links in various old entries are not working properly. I think it’s because I had previously deleted some files. Thus, when I exported and re-imported, certain entries had been pushed back to fill in the deleted files spaces.]

I was going to post the first installment of my narrative of Halloween Two, but I now realize that some of you don’t know what Halloween Two is all about. Therefore, I present to you, the Legend of Halloween Two (barely edited from its original improvised form from an AIM conversation):

“One day, the people dressed up on Halloween. And they had fun. They wanted to have more fun, so they decided to dress up the next day. But the next day, the others ridiculed them. They said, “It’s not Halloween today.” And they laughed. And the people who had dressed up cried. The Halloween Fairy saw this, and it saddened her to see the people crying. She decided one Halloween was not enough. So, she borrowed Santa’s sled, to spread the news of a new holiday, dropping oranges decorated as pumpkins, and new costumes. The oranges splatted and the costumes ripped, but that’s not the point. The point is that this new holiday is called Halloween Two. This year, it will be celebrated February 13th, a Friday. To celebrate, all you have to do is dress up. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can be even be a hat or mask. Also, if you don’t want to dress up, you can at least bring in an orange, decorated with sharpie, as a substitute pumpkin. In order to be fun, Halloween Two must be celebrated by many people, lest we have a repeat of the sad scenario in the story. So, make sure you tell everyone about it.”

As you can tell, it’s a bit outdated since it gets preachy at the end, but that’s not the point. The point is, now you know what Halloween Two is all about.

Hans and I are the architects of this little holiday; we are the ones who followed through with the idea. We just wanted an excuse to dress up on a day that wasn’t Halloween (One).

A little bit more information: Halloween Two was not originally planned to be on Valentine’s Eve, but we changed it because it originally coincided with the MLK Mass at my school, and Hans was in the skit. Oddly enough, it was Biff who thought up the new date.

Anyway, this whole week is basically a feature on Halloween Two. I have a two-part narrative of the events. I also have some… I guess one could could call it… philosophy of Halloween Two. Finally, I’ll be posting all my pictures.

Happy first day of the year 2004. Loved ya, 2003.

I actually manage to keep a majority of my New Year’s resolutions. It is because my New Year’s resolutions are more like to-do lists, than lists of improvements for general character foibles. I’m going to list mine here, so I can find them next year and comment upon them.

• Get my driver’s license
• Learn C++
• Learn how to solo on trombone
• Get 200,000 hits in one month at Psycho-ward.org
• Finish one of my long stories
• Get both French videos finished (subtitles and commentary, too)
• Write and film Majestic, the Movie
• Write songs and lyrics for that fake musical (don’t absolutely need story done yet)
• Finish the stuff currently on my Coming Soon list at psycho-ward.org
• Learn and memorize all of Hungarian Rhapsody no. 2
• Update psycho-ward.org more often (the only one that’s more general)
• Do at least 40 TPVs this year
• Do at least 12 Majestic comics this year

Indeed, it is my favorite Christmas tree ornament… and I bet it beats any of yours!

On a happier note, I got my wisdom teeth pulled out. I hurt. However, I took medicine, so it’s starting to hurt less, as long as I don’t move my mouth around too much. Worst of all, I can’t play trombone.

I am not as happy for Christmas this year, because I don’t know what I want. I have no gifts to look forward to. It is selfish, but it’s the only reason I can think of.

Perhaps I should stop thinking only about myself, eh?

Note that God is capitalized, so it’s a proper noun, a name. I’m referring to the Christian God, in this case.

Santa Claus knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good. Santa is omniscient. He knows all. God knows all.

Santa is completely selfless and generous. He creates infinite presents out of infinite raw material. It’s seemingly conjured out of nowhere, almost as if a… miracle… had occured. With his sled, he can defeat the laws of physics. Maybe he controls time to complete his tasks. His powers seem limitless, almost omnipotent.

Santa can reward you for good behavior, or punish you for bad. On a larger scale, this is a reflection of the “afterlife.” Instead of Christmas, it’s the day of your death. The present is heaven, with eternal rewards, and the lump of coal is hell.

The timing also helps the parallelism. Christmas takes place in the winter. Winter can be a symbol for death. Spring is the renewal, and thus, the afterlife.

So is Santa supposed to be Satan or God? Or is he just Santa? I may also attempt to compare Santa to Jesus, but not tomorrow. Tomorrow, I speak of death.

Is this a coincidence that the letters of Santa can rearrange themselves into Satan? Yeah, of course, but I can still find some superficial similarities between the two.

Let’s take the mythology of Santa and twist it. Santa’s watching, so you better be good. He doesn’t actually want to give you presents. He wants to give you coal. But if you’re good, then he has to give you presents. Against his will. So, on his off-time, he is actually trying to persuade people to be bad. He is the devil when it’s not Christmas Eve.

Santa has elves. Remarkably similar to sweatshops, one could argue. They aren’t elves. They are the souls of the damned, forced to work, and forced to serve the people who are good and holy.

The man lives at the North Pole, where it is extremely cold. Now, extreme heat is usually used to describe hell, but still, these environments both involve extreme temperatures. And no one describes the true interior of Santa’s workshop, or lair. It could very well be hot and toasty, to make the souls of the damned, or elves, suffer.

Don’t believe me? Well, Santa is clad in red…

Tomorrow: Comparing Santa to God

Oh, no Out of Context Awards for November because I couldn’t remember any, and I wasn’t on the lookout for any good ones. I don’t think I heard any.

While listening to the multitude of Christmas songs, I realized that there were no Thanksgiving songs. None. Is Christmas that much better than Thanksgiving? There’s a new Christmas movie coming out. Why are there no Thanksgiving movies? Are there any Thanksgiving cards? If asked, what’s your favorite holiday, how many people would name Thanksgiving?

There’s a lot of commercial opportunity missed here. I’m imagining poems, characters, songs, movies, books, children’s stories, cards, toys… and that’s but the beginning. I’ve thought many times of inventing my own holiday and what it would entail. I always came up blank. Instead of inventing a new holiday, how about reinventing an old one?

The greatest potential lies in the globalization of the holiday. It can definitely be branded as bigger than America, while Americans can still have the pride of inventing the holiday. Christmas is so much bigger than Thanksgiving because it’s celebrated all around. Thanksgiving has no religious connatations, but it can if people want it to. It can potentially reach a bigger market.

Thanksgiving will remain supreme! Christmas will no longer be celebrated before Thanksgiving!

Or maybe it’s a good thing that Thanksgiving has not been commercialized as much as Christmas…

I am thankful for…

• Insincere vague thanks that people improvise
• The people working in grocery stores today who took the jobs from people on strike because the American tradition of Thanksgiving wouldn’t be the same without last-minute shopping
• All the people starving today because without them, I wouldn’t feel so fortunate
• All the food that will be thrown away today because somebody might find something good in the trash tomorrow
• The Native Americans who helped us create the holiday and whom we later killed
• The poultry industry and everyone else who stands to profit from creating or sustaining holiday traditions
• The glorious monotony of TV marathons because they keep lesser minds subdued and preoccupied
• All the Christmas songs that have been constantly playing since before today

I. Want. This. Space Ghost desk and chair.

Self-illuminated. Built-in TV. Mini-fridge. Wow.

Alright, there’s no way I could actually get it, but it’s nice to dream.

Here is the promised picture of my Halloween costume:

You were expecting me wearing the costume? You ask too much. No, really, I was just too lazy. I’m lucky I even got this picture up.

And, yes, that is a smile drawn in black Sharpie on the mask. Actually, it was a dry-erase marker, which is why it isn’t so crisp.

My costume consisted of a mirror hanging around my neck, and a reflective face-mask object. I was you for Halloween. At school, the most-used word to describe it was “clever.” It’s an apt word. It’s not uber-hilarious, but it’s still mildly humorous. Shelley, one of Moreau’s APs, thought it was funny. Some people didn’t get it at first. They had to prompt me.

“What’s your costume?”

“I’m you.”

“Oh, I get it. That’s clever.”

Some memorable costumes: Richard in a homemade Mickey Mouse outfit, Ryan as Mr. Rogers, Hans as a Mexican pro-wrestler (El Pollo Loco), Mr. Parker as an oompa-loompah (however you spell it), and Mr. Vargas as Gandhi.

There were only two trick-or-treaters at my house this year, and they were together. Guess why! Guess! It’s because I live on a hill, and those fat-asses are too damn lazy to climb up that far. Each year, we get less and less. At this rate, we’ll have no trick-or-treaters next year. Oh well, more candy for me.

Picture of my costume coming later, probably tomorrow.

[11/05/03 – EDIT: The picture of my costume is found on November 5th’s entry]