Author Archives: Shawn R. McDonald

Are we worth saving?

“You know, when we fought the Cylons, we did it to save ourselves from extinction. But we never answered the question, why? Why are we as a people worth saving? We still commit murder because of greed, spite, jealousy. And we still visit all of our sins upon our children. We refuse to accept the responsibility for anything that we’ve done.” — William Adama, Battlestar Galactica

Based on the way we treat the Earth, I sometimes wonder if humanity is worth saving. Look at what we did to the Gulf of Mexico. Even before the oil spill, there was a giant dead zone.

The oceans are so vast, and yet we humans are ruining them. We’re doing the same to the atmosphere. CFCs were stopped, but we’re still polluting and still contributing to global warming.

We treat our home, our own and only tiny planet, like shit.

Yes, I guess we should do what we can to stop global warming. Maybe, though, we should stop and ask if humans are even worth saving.

Thoughts on Korra (SPOILERS!)

WARNING: There are going to be SPOILERS in this post, if you haven’t seen the finale.

I have a hypothesis about how Amon was able to take away bending. I think he used blood-bending to block your chi. The chi-blockers hit your pressure points to temporarily block your chi, which makes it so you can’t bend. Amon probably adapted this technique, but uses blood-bending to make it more permanent. You can use blood-bending to break an arm, so you can probably “break” those pressure points, I guess. (This still doesn’t really explain how Katara couldn’t figure out how to reverse it, but I guess she wasn’t practiced enough with blood-bending.)

What Amon does is different from Aang because I think Aang is actually bending your chi. Chi is basically spiritual energy, so it jibes with what the turtle island was saying about this technique. Summarized: Aang bends chi; Amon blocks chi.

I think this also explains why Korra was able to air-bend. Amon blocked her chi for all fire-bending, water-bending, and earth-bending. But he didn’t block it for air-bending. So, when Korra tried to bend, all her chi was directed into air-bending. It’s as if water was pouring out of several spigots and then forced into just one.

I’m guessing Amon never really knew how to block airbending and may have failed with Tenzen too.

None of this explained how she got her spiritual powers so fast at the end. In general, I’ve been pleased with the pacing (others will disagree) of the show, but I thought everything resolved itself way too quickly at the end. (Tarlock loses his powers way too fast, and then it’s a whirlwind from there.) In fact, I’m disappointed the season didn’t end on a cliffhanger.

Revolution

I am really doing this. I’m upending everything in my life. I’m moving, changing jobs, losing use of a car, being relieved of hosting duties for our weekly gathering of friends.

The furniture in my apartment is slowly disappearing. I gave away a bunch of books. I signed papers that say I’m moving out. I notified my boss that I’m leaving my job. Everything is so real now. It used to be something in my head — a vague plan of the future that couldn’t come fast enough. Now time’s speeding up and everything is happening all at once. I keep passing these points of no return.

From my apartment parking lot, I looked up at the stars and realized that I would soon lose this particular view forever. With all these tangible details of the changes happening in my life, the sense of loss finally hit me. Everything is going to be different.

It’s all so exciting, and I know it’ll all be worth it.

Right now, I’m not scared by any of it. Well, except for the loss of financial security. I’ll have to actually pay attention to my expenditures. But like I said, it’ll all be worth it. It’s worth trading that for the exciting adventure to come.

My Favorite iPad Games

Listing my favorite iPad games…

  • Continuity 2
  • iBlastMoki 2
  • Osmos
  • Kingdom Rush
  • Lego Harry Potter, Years 1-4
  • World of Goo
  • Contre Jour
  • Machinarium
  • Lost Winds
  • Lost Winds 2

These games are in no particular order. Machinarium is probably my favorite. I love point and click adventure games, and Machinarium is so beautiful. Art, even.

As you can see, I mostly like puzzle games. I’m not a big fan of platformers on the iPad, but Lost Winds is really good. World of Goo is an amazing game that translates really well to the iPad. You’d think the game was designed for it. Osmos is mesmerizing puzzle game. Contre Jour has beautiful graphics and music. Kingdom Rush is just a blast to play. I can’t really judge it compared to other tower defense games, since it’s my first one. The levels are designed well; it has a good learning curve. The game is cute and fun. iBlastMoki 2 and Continuity 2 are good puzzle games.

Other games I like: Eliss, Monkey Island, Angry Birds, Scribblenauts, Scramble with Friends, TwinGo, Great Little War Game.

What are your favorites?

Games on Sale

If you haven’t seen this sale, Because We May, go now!

I have an iPad, and I highly recommend World of Goo, Osmos, iBlast Moki 2, and Eliss (yes, it’s for iPhone, but it still plays well on iPad). All those games are amazing. Great Little War Game is pretty fun too. I also downloaded Spirits and Eufloria, but I haven’t played them enough to have an opinion. They are pretty.

I’m going to put a post of my favorite games tomorrow.

MySpace was shit

Facebook was never the next MySpace. MySpace was always shit. Facebook was a way better communication tool, even from the beginning (or rather when I started using facebook). I never even used friendster. So, I’m kind of tired of people thinking facebook is some kind of flash in the pan that will be replaced at some point. I bet you most of the journalists saying this never even used MySpace. I mean, it’s similar to how all mp3 players were shit before the iPod came out. It’ll be really, really tough to replace facebook.

Another difference between facebook and MySpace is the number of people on it. Everyone is on facebook. Your parents and grandparents, your friends, your coworkers — all of them are on it. Who was on MySpace? A few of your high school friends when you were in high school. Who was on friendster? I don’t remember anyone. Plus, everyone left friendster because of connectivity issues. So, it was shit too. Anyway, the more people on it, the harder it is to replace. Why would I want to lose all my contacts and my pictures (and pictures of me)?

Before Google, search engines battled each other for the title of the best. Google has been king for years. Microsoft was slow to get into certain fields, but it’s still a behemoth. Tech companies can remain dominant for a long time. Going back to the iPod analogy: The device that is destroying the iPod is the iPhone. Facebook can evolve (and consume) to take out threats. I don’t think anyone can assume that facebook will go the way of MySpace. Now, I’m not saying anyone can’t take it out, but it’ll be orders of magnitude harder than displacing MySpace or Friendster.

Facebook has done a good job evolving so far, I think. There are things I complained about. I hated the Stream when it just was a realtime list of updates. They are now back to showing things based on some type of relevance algorithm. They also had some really crappy redesigns, like when they put some icons on the bottom of the page as navigation. Things are okay now. I also really like what they’ve done with Groups. They’re now a good way to communicate with a group of friends.

I guess the one part where people are right to be critical is the crappiness of the ads. Apparently, their click-through rates are abysmal. Whatever. That doesn’t mean facebook is a failure. Facebook is primarily a communication tool, not an advertising platform. If they made a bunch of money taking money from stupid, shithead advertisers, good for facebook. When it comes to money, I’m sure facebook will figure something out.

I don’t care about the stock market — it’s a rigged game — so don’t expect any commentary on the IPO or stock price. Well, except to say that anyone accused of criminal action is probably a criminal. You could probably lock up a good portion of Wall Street. We’d be better off.

Today’s Theme

I made some changes today. I finally got my server’s memory usage under control by setting pre-fork MaxClients to 5 in apache. We’ll see if I run into problems later. I wasn’t even sure if MySQL or apache was hogging everything until I ran ps aux.

I also changed my WordPress theme. I had some strange worry it was doing something weird, so I just wanted to get WordPress to some base level. I mean, memory was fine until I put my blog up. So I thought it had something to do with that.

I was going to change my php engine and junk, but I don’t really think that’s necessary now.

What I want to do is change the WordPress theme to something more personal. Yet, I’m also not too happy with WordPress right now. So I probably should just do my own thing instead of making a WordPress theme, right? It’ll probably be the same amount of work.

Today is for…

Today is for…

* Super-laundry time
* Folding my sweaters and putting them away until Fall (today is such a nice day!)
* Taking a walk
* Reading on my balcony
* Doing stuff to my server so it doesn’t use so much damn memory (or rather, making sure the memory usage fits within the tiny amount of memory provided for this server)

Money is addictive

I’m so addicted to my bi-weekly salary. Not sure I can give it up.

I got my tax refund today. That means it’s time to buy a new iPad.

Lots of stuff on my mind. I really need to take some time just to think.

… but not on this blog… yet…

I will say that I’m getting the urge to take an adventure. To introduce some randomness into my life. To let myself make mistakes.

Mail mail mail

I finally got my mail server working. Which means I can start moving over chalkboard manifesto to the new server. Yes, I got a new server. I’m using Rackspace. I wanted something I could get shell access to, without them charging me an extra $20.

It took me soooo long to get the mail working. I thought setting up a server would be easy since I’d done it a million times. Only I hadn’t ever done the mail thing, so it took way longer than I thought. I’ve painstakingly documented how I got it working. I’ll eventually post all that stuff, but not on this blog.

To be honest, I’m not sure it’s worth it setting up all the server stuff myself. I guess it’s good experience or something. I’m actually not even completely done with the mail stuff, but I’m close enough for now.

In other news, big changes are coming in my life. All of that will be announced soon enough.

Gun Statistics

Anyone know a good place to delve into the statistics of gun ownership and crime? Oh yeah, and suicides and accidents. I kind of want to look into it a bit.

Of course, statitistics don’t paint a full picture. Assume a vigilante society with full gun ownership was safer. It’d still be worse because of a lack of due process.

Oh and one more thing to look up: the history of stand your ground laws. Curious to see if it was driven by high-profile media stories.

Truth, Apple, Theater, Mike Daisey

Foxconn was trending before Mike Daisey. When I clicked to see what the fuss was about (new abuses?), I surprisingly discovered a bajillion retweets saying this: This American Life had retracted their version of Mike Daisey’s The Agony and Ecstasy of Steve Jobs monologue due to numerous falsehoods. One example was that he didn’t meet the workers poisoned by n-hexane because they were poisoned in a different factory, not the one in Shenzen. Mike Daisey confirmed the falsehoods, defended his work in a statement on his blog. You should read it in full. The gist of it is that he stands by his work. Since it is theater, it is okay to use dramatic license to drive home an emotional point.

His defense works for me, at least qua his work. I’ll get to Mike Daisey himself later. I watched his play when he was in Berkeley (and The Last Cargo Cult). For me, his monologue is no less powerful knowing that he didn’t literally meet with certain people he said he met with or that he wasn’t challenged with guns. The emotional impact is the same. The message still stands. The guilt is still there. I know that human dignity was violated to make the iPad I’m typing this blog post on. We should still pressure American companies who make the products we love to make them in a humane fashion. And guess what, Apple has felt the pressure. Mike Daisey achieved some level of victory. How empowering that is to a cynic like me.

I defended Mike Daisey’s monologue in my own way on Twitter, stating, “And I bet Mike Daisey’s Mac didn’t actually bleed when he took it apart.” I was referring to the powerful ending of the piece (at least it was the ending when I saw it) where he’s taking his computer apart and putting it back together and all he can see is blood. Daisey didn’t need to see literal blood for this point to be made and it would be absurd to demand that level of realism. In fact, the emotional impact is still the same if he didn’t actually have that epiphany during that activity. This could be concocted for dramatic purposes, but it doesn’t matter at all. (Any narrative contains falsehoods because it flattens a life that isn’t so linear.) The same stands for the content of his interviews. The fact that someone was literally poisoned during the manufacture of Apple products is enough to make Mike Daisey’s monologue work.

Now what of Mike Daisey himself? This blog post would be over if it wasn’t for something Lloyd tweeted: “Daisey’s problem is that the falsehoods he conveys onstage (for obvious dramatic effect)… he has repeated as fact in actual interviews.” So now I think that Daisey’s credibility takes a hit. But how does this affect his art and his goals?

I think it doesn’t really affect the monologue. Like I said, the emotional impact is still the despite what literally happened. Dramatic license in theater is okay. Imagine an alternate universe where the falsehoods were made clear from the beginning. Does it change the credibility of the original monologue? No, it doesn’t.

Art retains its own value apart from the creator. To use extreme examples: Hemingway’s books are still great despite his drunkenness. OJ Simpson’s touchdown runs are no less impressive because he killed someone. Ray Lewis isn’t any worse a football player because of his involvement in a man’s murder. I also think a womanizer with a wife (lying is implied here) who is a writer deserves to have his work judged by its own merits. (But it is okay to examine the comtext in which the work was created.) However, is it the same when the credibility claims are so central to the piece? I think if we are adult enough to recognize the difference between theater and facts, we will be okay. We can hold the differences in our head. We can draw on the emotions of theater to spur our activism, and we can draw on journalistic fact to guide what we do. Yet we should know what is what, and theater shouldn’t be presented as fact, especially by the creator.

So what’s next? Is the movement destroyed? I don’t know. Questions about future human behavior are the ones I usually answer wrong. I still admire Daisey’s art and the spark he has created. Even if he were to knowingly lie to others outside the context of theater, it would be fine if it were done in service of his larger goals of sparking change. I just hope he didn’t hurt this spark. I, though, can only speak for myself. I don’t know how this news affected other people. How do you feel — about theater and Daisey himself? Will this change what you do?

DST

Ever since DST started, I have been so fucking tired. It takes forever for the morning fog to lift from my mind and I’m so tired at the end of the day that it takes a massive effort to even do my comic. I don’t really have the energy for anything other than reading, even though I should be drawing.

A Book Allowance

I’m allotting myself a monthly book allowance so I don’t feel guilty about buying books, but I make sure I make the effort to learn new things. I’ve purchased 4 books so far this month. I’m not sure I’ll even finish one book this month, though. I gotta spend more time reading.

Oh wait, I already finished 3 books this month. I read all the Hunger Games books. Haha.

There’s a scene in Musashi where Musashi has to stay in a room for several years, kind of like he’s in jail. But the room has lots of books, including The Art of War, and he comes out a much wiser person. I am actually kind of envious.

Expiration Date

There’s an episode of HIMYM where Ted and Robin realize their relationship has an expiration date. They want different things out of life and they’ll be incompatible in 5 years.

I think I may be heading towards an expiration date with my current comic. It’s been great, but I don’t think it’s a proper vehicle to get me where I want to go creatively. I want to tell better stories. I want to make more expressive characters. I can’t do it with one-liners and stick figures. The more I want to promote my current comic, the more I can’t shake the guilt that I can’t draw.

I’m proud of what I’ve done so far. There are some really good comics that I’ve done, at least in terms of what the words say. I mean, otherwise I wouldn’t have got some praise from the author of xkcd. (I sent him an email many, many moons ago.) The body of work is much better than my old comic, TPV. In retrospect, I wish I had just started drawing instead of doing a sprite comic. I couldn’t draw then either, but by now I’d have some modicum of ability.

The breakup won’t happen right away. I’ll ease into it. I still have much training to do with both writing and drawing. I actually purchased Cartooning: Philosophy and Practice and I’m going to work through it. I want to be more attentive to my craft. I also bought Musashi, and I didn’t expect this, but it has given me some resolve to do some good work and take pride in what I do.

So yeah, I’m going to outgrow Chalkboard Manifesto in a few years. We’ll see what happens next. It may not even be a comic. When I outgrew psycho-ward.org, I thought I’d make a new humor website, but I just focused on my comic.

Thoughts on Hunger Games

* At the end of the trilogy, it’s clear that this is an anti-war story. The girl ends up broken, physically and emotionally, and never fully heals. The noble war for freedom turns out to be a sham. War is ugly, always will be.
* In fact, the girl turns out to be less a heroine and more a victim.
* One point is kind of Battlestar-esque in terms of theme with the idea that this has happened and this will happen again. There’s not much hope, though, in Hunger Games that people will learn. They’ll forget and do it again. I guess the book wants the reader to learn from it, but there it is implied that viciousness is an escapable part of human nature.
* Despite being anti-war, the best parts of the books are the violent parts. Ironic in a way.
* The main character becomes increasingly whiny in the third book, which is understandable given that she’s a teenager and under a lot of emotional distress, but it makes the book a less compelling read. Although in retrospect, I think it’s less the whinyness and more the disjointedness that makes the book less enjoyable. She’s repeatedly knocked unconscious, which gets kind of repetitive. Each part doesn’t feel very connected. The violent part is the longest narrative thread.
* Poor Peeta. I would never wait that long for a girl to put out. #TastelessJoke
* Overall, it’s a fun read. I enjoyed the first two books, but the third is necessary to get the theme. I guess skim the first half of the third.
* Given that the drumbeats of war are sounding again (some people want us whipped into a fury to attack Iran), this kind of anti-war narrative is refreshing and necessary.

Santorum and Torture

I liked Andrew Sullivan calling out Rick Santorum on the torture issue. Seriously, how can you claim to be a moral person and yet condone torture? This isn’t a simple disagreement on issues, or even a major disagreement on issues; this is an issue that trumps all else. To be a proponent of torture is to lack all moral grounding, to eschew what makes us civilized. I don’t care what else you believe. I mean, even if you are a small government fiscal conservative (which Santorum is not), this should trump everything else. He lacks a core moral principle. I mean, it’s like being a great fiscal conservative but also a child molester. Unacceptable! And with the presidency comes the power to act on that evil, to torture as Bush did. Santorum belongs nowhere near the presidency.

Plus, what’s up with the Republican war on contraception? If you’re Rush Limbaugh, a mother of two who’s having sex with her husband while using contraception provided by her health care provider is a prostitute. I know, trolls don’t care about logic, so I’ll stop there.

Shirts and Mistakes

I just put t-shirts on pre-sale for the Chalkboard Manifesto. And I have no idea what I’m doing. I put an arbitrary number of shirts I have to sell that’ll net me a healthy amount of profit. Or at least that’s what I’m assuming. I don’t really know how much shipping will cost, so I just decided to price it into the shirts and worry about that when the time comes. There’s a lot I don’t know, but I’m fine with figuring it out as I go. I’m okay with messing up.

I’ve already messed up. I accidentally set the quantity to 1, so my t-shirts were sold out after my first purchase, haha.

I figured that I’d learn more by throwing the shirts up for sale and learning as I go, rather than planning and planning. It’s like programming: You learn more by actually coding than reading. Coding and messing up and fixing things. Well, not to say planning should be ignored. Maybe I didn’t do enough planning, but I guess that’s something I’ll learn.

Mothers

I recently watched an episode of The Bob Newhart Show where he invites his mother over to dinner. The character’s relationship with his mother was comforting to me. He loved his mother, but had trouble communicating with her. As a psychologist, he knew how to deal with people, yet he still had trouble talking with his mother. I dunno, it’s nice to know that even if you have all your shit together, you can still have trouble talking to your parents. It’s a weird dynamic to navigate, sometimes.

When it comes to TV characters, my grandmother actually reminds me of Lucille from Arrested Development. Sans the heavy drinking, of course. I think it’s sufficient to leave it at that in this public forum. But it’ll be here to remind me and make me smile one day when I re-read this.

Rails Mistake

Ugh, I made such a stupid mistake with Rails.

When I was creating my program, I had it set to use the development environment. I made sure everything was working. Then, I flipped it to production kind of rushed and I didn’t check that everything was working. Turns out, one of the tables was messed up. Oops. So, everything was working well for a while, and then, poof, it was broked.

I guess there are two lessons: 1) Make sure everything is working correctly AFTER you change to a new environment. That includes deploying to a new server. 2) Learn about testing so that I can catch these problems earlier.

Sitting

I have a lot of anxiety about how sitting is supposedly slowly killing me. Honestly, I don’t get enough exercise. Ever since I started working, I have had issues with shoulder pain. Now the shoulder pain isn’t that bad, but my stomach muscles are shit.

Anyway, I rearranged my desk and I’m going to try standing up.

So I don’t die.

The Bigger Picture

I embarked on a project of writing something in my journal every month to make me examine my life more. (The unexamined life… and whatnot.)

I noticed that a lot of what I wrote was really negative. It wasn’t really helping me make my life better. I do think writing is important, but I need to remember to be more positive. I think one thing that would help would be to focus on the bigger picture. I’d like to think more about what kinds of things I value and how I can live those values. It’s easy to forget what’s important when you’re so focused on day-to-day existence.

Note: It would’ve been very easy to turn this blog post into something more negative. I hope I was successful in refraining.

Beads. Bees?

I used to know the bees more intimately. I’d take frequent walks around the office building, and I would just notice things. I’d look at the flowers, the bees, etc. Now there’s construction going on, so I can’t make a full circuit. Even before then, I had stopped paying attention. Maybe it was around the time I injured my stomach. I dunno.

A few days ago, I went to a Thai restaurant to get some takeout. I had nowhere else to be, so I sat there, waiting for my food. The hostess asked if I wanted any water. I said yes. (I haven’t been drinking enough water lately, but I didn’t verbalize that.) I moved from the bench to a table, so that I’d have somewhere to put my glass. Now I had a view of the window. Since I had no book or iPad, all I could do was wait. I let myself just be there. I let myself look out the window and look at the room. I noticed the artwork on the wall, the security camera on the ceiling, the plant with the thank you note.

Meditation is nice when you can close your eyes and just breathe. But you can get the same joy by — instead of forcing yourself to be productive — noticing the world around you.

Perfect Enough

The Super Bowl lacked appeal this year, for me. The game itself was good and exciting, but I didn’t care for either team. The Giants beat the 49ers in the NFC Championship Game. So, I didn’t want them to win. And the Patriots are the Patriots, so I didn’t want them to win either. In previous years, I could cheer for the NFC West representative, or the underdog. I could root for one team and not care so much if they won or not. Both teams were villains to me, so I didn’t have any incentive to watch.

Well, except for gambling. Gambling and fantasy football always sweeten otherwise unwatchable games. I managed to turn $10 into $200 in an office pool. Unfortunately I didn’t get to showcase any of my skill, since the game was based on pure luck. I almost placed a prop bet on no overtime, but I didn’t get around to it.

I had friends over for a Super Soul Sunday party. We only tuned into the game before halftime. The game was playing on a tiny screen while Soul Calibur V was on my big TV. After the game, both screens were devoted to Soul Calibur V — 1 XBox screen and 1 PS3 screen. Even the girls took turns at button mashing. (Stevie almost beat me until I pulled out my patented shin kick.) One screen eventually was devoted to Character Creation, where my friends made Avatar: The Last Airbender characters. Good guy Zuko. Katara with hair loopies. A tall Aang. It was pretty cool. Next up: Game of Thrones.

At the end of the night, I settled into bed with my girlfriend. Holding her in my arms at that very moment, at the end of that very day, made that day perfect. Maybe for some people, perfection is winning a Super Bowl ring or going 16-0 or winning 8 gold medals. Maybe it’s winning money. I have some cash now from gambling. But I don’t really don’t give a shit about the money right now. No, for me, at this point in my life, I know that perfection has nothing to do with money. Some things in life are more important than others, and I think I’ve gotten a little further in figuring out what’s what.

Then again, the moment wasn’t perfectly perfect. My eyes weren’t at their best condition after staring at TV screens for so long. Whatever. It was perfect enough. I think that’s the best I can strive for.