“Reality is my drug. The more I have of it, the more power I get and the higher I feel.” — 50 Cent

I’m currently re-reading Robert Greene and 50 Cent’s new book, The 50th Law. On my first read-through, I thought that was just a cool quote. In fact, even on my second read-through I could only appreciate it in some abstract sense. A few days ago, though, I experienced the truth of that quote.

I will leave out the insight, even though this makes for less compelling writing, because it is a bit personal. Thus, I will speak a bit abstractly. What happened was I recognized a connection between two incidents that were spaced years apart. I saw a pattern in my behavior that I hadn’t noticed before. With incredible clarity, I realized mistakes that I had made.

Normally, recognizing one’s failures isn’t a cause for joy. But instead of despair, there was an odd detachment. I recognized what I had done without judgment. I simply saw the world as it was. It was then that the rush came. I felt a high better than any buzz I had received from alcohol. The only thing I can compare it to is a peak experience.

I also felt the power. I pierced through the world’s obfuscations; I pierced through my worldview, biases, and delusions. This is true power, is it not? It’s an ability to learn from one’s mistakes without dealing with emotional baggage. It’s an ability to see the world without any distortions.

Ah, this is only the beginning. I need more. Slowly, ever so slowly, I am changing the way my mind works.