I’m having trouble keeping track of time. I’m living life day-by-day, with no weekly or monthly goals. My calendar for June is empty. It’s a huge change from the days when I was living for the end of finals. My life before then was characterized by deadline after deadline. As of now, I’ve transitioned from the free feeling of after-graduation to the adrift feeling of having no ultimate direction in life.

Part of the solution is pretty obvious. I need more structure in my life and I need to set some long-term goals with dates on them.

The big looming issue is the whole “what career do you want to pursue” thing. That I’m still unsure how to answer, or how to work towards an answer, or if I even need an answer.

I’m extremely nervous about tomorrow. Work starts!

I want to write something about Iran, but I’m kind of holding my tongue because I’m not really qualified to say anything. (Not that this has ever stopped me before.) Suffice it to say, I’m closer to Larison than Sullivan on this one.

Maybe I’ll write something, but it’ll be about the broader contours of history and how this usually calls for skepticism over exuberance.

I hate naps. I always feel terrible after taking a nap. Today I took the first nap I’ve had in several weeks, and it was horrible. I woke up feeling incredibly paranoid. I don’t even know how that happens. Usually, I just feel gross and/or groggy. Sometimes angry or depressed. To be honest, it’s two hours later and I still haven’t fully recovered from that nap. Ugh.

As much as I despise Comcast (for reasons which I shall not enumerate for now), I have never had any problems with customer service when I call them. The people are always polite and helpful, and I’ve never been put on hold for a long period of time. So kudos to them for at least getting that right.

It just occurs to me that I received my diploma in an envelope when I graduated, and I never actually opened that envelope and looked at the diploma. Even I’m surprised at how little I care about graduating.

I’m finding it hard to stay motivated. There are moments where I’m having lots of fun and other moments when I feel really blah. I’m really lacking in focus. I think part of the problem is that my life has no structure right now. Without school or work, my life is completely unorganized and I have no sense of time. Another part of it is that now that I’m in a new location, all my old rituals have disappeared. I don’t eat dinner or lunch at the same time. I don’t have pool club every week. I let slide those habits I had worked to acquire.

Part of this will be solved on its own when I start my summer job. For now, though, I need to introduce more structure into my life. I’ll start with what time I wake up in the morning. I just need to start feeling some control over my life. I need to feel like the master of my time.

I read quite a few blogs and it’s impressive how conservatives, despite being out of power, still control the debates. A lot of what is being put out by conservatives now is often incredibly stupid, but the liberal blogosphere still expends a lot of energy countering these claims. Consider all the words used to counter the absurd claim that Sotomayor is a racist. The Republicans still control the terms of the debate, while the Democrats continue to play defense; the Republicans control what we talk about, while the Democrats spend most of their time reacting. It may not be obvious, but this kind of power dynamic favors the Republicans.

I still remember the time I was playing Double Dribble on NES with Chris and he beat me at the last second. I held a comfortable lead at first. At the end, he hit a 3-pointer at the buzzer to beat me. This was like 4 years ago, haha.