People might think I’m informed. We had lunch with my aunt and uncle the other day, and I was calmly able to destroy all of the arguments Clinton has put forth for her nomination. I’m able to recite numbers from the primaries and caucuses. Yes, I have this specialized knowledge, but it’s not because I’m smart, but because I’m an addict.

At my niece’s birthday party, I was going absolutely nuts. I had no access to the internet. I knew Clinton had won Puerto Rico, but I needed to know the margin of victory. I needed to know the exact numbers. Geeze.