Today I went to see Reverend James Forbes speak. I probably would not have gone had I not been part of the staff of the MSE Symposium. Actually, I just went because I was obligated, not really out of any desire to see Forbes because I didn’t really know who he was.

I am really glad I went. He was so charismatic and energetic. It was infectious. I felt his energy in me.

He talked about finding a “project.” Finding purpose, a calling, in a way, but much more than that. What will they say about you in your obituary?

I could try to make this clearer and more distinct to you the reader, but this is primarily a marker in time for myself.

What I can say is that at the time, he said exactly what I needed. I felt doubt and he introduced a certain type of certainty. Or rather, he inspired me… that I can achieve the change I wish to make in the world.

I’ve been doing some thinking and begun vaguely to define a certain mission as preserving democracy in America. But isn’t this more like preserving the status quo? I answer: “Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.” — Wendell Phillips

At the time, I felt a fire burning within. I was ready to attack the world.

As the energy fades, though, the question arises: “How?” I realize once again that it will be a long and arduous journey. But at least, for once, it seems possible. I suppose some solace can be found in the formulation “project.” It’s something I will work on all my life.

And now, even further from fiery rhetoric, I suddenly realize that the current thing nagging at me hasn’t been answered. Do I stay within the Republican fold and fight for change from within? Or do I start anew with a new party? And what do the words “youth movement” mean to me?

So, I’m thinking even more, and I’ve remembered a phrase, “Above all, you must have faith in yourself.” I suppose that is what has been restored, which I had lost even before my whole political apostasy issues. It cannot be a logical faith. It must be a burning passion.

No, no, now my clarity has been replaced with confusion. It was but there for a moment. I think I need to sleep on it.