Supposedly, today was supposed to be a Day Without An Immigrant, a day of marching and economic boycotts. Here in Baltimore we fared pretty well. The New York Times tells me they had rallies coast to coast, but it was quite quiet here. I think it’s because we have black people to do all those jobs. That’s the point where you scoff and say I’m horrible, but hey, you know it’s true. You praise me for my political incorrectness. Of course, no one utters a word when the pundits tell you undocumented migrants from Mexico often displace unskilled African-American workers.

They say they want to be American, but their movement has become a parody of itself. First, they want to be American, but they wave Mexican flags. When somebody finally gives them good PR advice to wave American flags, they up and go translate the national anthem into Spanish, call it “Nuestro Himno.” Honestly, I couldn’t think of anything stupider if I was trying. Well, I could try: Take our flag, put an eagle over the stars, color the stripes red and green, and call it “Nuestra Bandera.” On second thought, I probably should’ve kept my mouth shut because I’m afraid I’ll see someone waving it at the next immigrant rally as proof of how American they want to become.

I think their marches are really counterproductive. Since when did you see Americans marching for anything? Oh, the 1960s? Yeah, well, newsflash: The 1960s are over. 9/11 changed everything. If they really wanted to show how American they were, they would be more like Alex Sanchez. This is what the New York Times said about Alex, regarding the boycott: “‘I was thinking about not buying things, but then I needed to buy stuff,’ said Alex Sanchez, 28, a construction worker buying an avocado, chilies and beer.” If you really want to be American, stop marching and start sitting on your asses. That’s what the rest of us are doing.

I know, I know, you’re marching because the House made it a felony to be in here illegally. Big whoop. There are already 11 million of you in here and you think a silly little law is going to change things? Look, we had laws in the first place and they didn’t do any good.

But if you want to march, hey, go ahead. Good luck. Congress doesnt even listen to Americans; do you think they’re going to listen to you? Our good Senators will just work really hard to preserve the status quo while pretending to make comprehensive reform. Hint to the sleeping giant awakening to American politics: Comprehensive doesn’t actually mean comprehensive. And neither does reform.

If you really want to make an impact, get a Spanish version of Bill O’Reilly and put him on Telemundo. Get a bunch of your DJs and make them talk-show hosts. That way, all your people can be angry and promote capitalism at the same time — instead of this silly marching business. They can buy whatever the equivalent of Factor Gear is in Spanish. If you’re really lucky, you can get some Congressman on your side. You could even work hard and control all three branches of government.

Good luck with that, though. We Republicans have done it already and we can’t even kick you out.

[Note: This is intended to be humorous.]

[Additional Note: This was original posted on myspace.]