Not only does the Koran forbid making graven images of Muhammed, but it prohibits making graven images of the one true God, aka Allah.

In Bruce Almighty, Morgan Freeman portrayed God. This is horrible blasphemy. I think because the Holocaust didn’t happen, we can make a good case that slavery didn’t happen either. I don’t know what this has to do with anything, but it just means it’s especially blasphemous to have Morgan Freeman be God. Thus, I have declared a jihad on Morgan Freeman.

At the same time, I have declared a jihad on all the members of Monty Python because they made an image of God in their movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail. What horrid blasphemy. I think I shall go firebomb an embassy in retaliation. I don’t understand how they can be so interolerant of my beliefs. I must threaten people with violence in order to show them how intolerant they are.

Also, I think Jesus should be jailed for hate speech because of what he said about the Pharisees. He goes into a temple, a holy place, and then upends the tables. What blasphemy. Too bad that happened two thousand years ago so we can’t actually put him in jail. Still, I think our government should issue an apology for something it’s not responsible for. Obviously, no one should critique religion for any reason. It’s so intolerant to make any comment about religion.

As a Christian, I must say that Jesus would agree with me. Jesus taught us to love our enemies. That means not saying anything bad about them, preaching political correctness, and allowing them to develop nuclear weapons.

Man, all this hate by West has me so worked up. I think I’ll make up some more cartoons and then use them to incite hatred against the West. Only it’s not really hatred because it’s directed against the West. That type of hatred is okay. Anything else is intolerant.

So anyway: Death to the infidels! Death to Morgan Freeman!

In case you can’t tell, this is satire.

If you want my real opinion, I think the Bush administration’s statement should have read: “Free speech, bitches.” Either that, or, “It’s a fucking cartoon. Get over it.”

Unfortunately, there is no silver bullet for this problem. Yes, we need democracy in the Middle East, but everyone needs to realize that it won’t automatically solve everything. It will take time. There will be some injustices, but you can’t solve all of the world’s injustices at once. Slavery existed in the United States, yet we were a democracy. It took us hundreds of years to get where we are and we’re still not perfect — most of America is still homophobic. So, look at the sorry state of the Middle East today. It will take longer for them to arrive at the point we’re at now. Still, nothing can get done unless we take the first steps. Nothing will get done unless we stand up against bullies like the President of Iran, unless the world stands in unity against dictatorship, and we promote freedom throughout the land.

If you’re unwilling to take that first step, then you’ve already lost. You’ve already declared defeat. You’ve declared that certain people are too barbaric to handle their own freedom. You might as well declare a jihad on Morgan Freeman and dance in the streets after a successful terrorist attack.

And anyone can go ahead and call me intolerant if they want. Because I am. I am intolerant against the forces of evil.

02/10/06 – EDIT: Strikethrough that last section. Written in haste. The information is not presented well and in an unpersuasive combative tone. Still, you should’ve seen some of the stuff I wrote and deleted before writing that. It was even worse. I’m getting better at editing myself, but I still have a way to go before I’m ready for primetime.