Winner: “They took away my [trombone] bucket mute because they thought there was a bomb in it.” One of my fellow trombonists at Moreau put his metronome in his bucket mute, and left it in his locker. Somehow, the metronome went on, and some idiots thought it was a bomb. Haha! So they confiscated the bucket mute and wouldn’t give it back because it allegedly scared some people. We trombonists are oppressed peoples.

Runner-up: “Over here on the next page, we have some cleavage.” Only runner-up because it was not actually uttered. Just a thought when studying for the AP Bio test. Cleavage, AP Bio? What? Ah, cleavage is a stage in development when the zygote undergoes rapid cell divisions.

This next quote is only funny in context. “No one in my class would ever do something that stupid.” That was uttered by my AP Bio teacher, Ms. Gee. Let me give the backstory: My friend, Ryan, (yeah I’m giving names, so what) stuck a pin in an electrical socket. Then, he stuck another pin in the other socket, shocking himself at some point in the process. Then, he takes a metal probe (with a wooden handle) and presses it against both pins, completing the circuit. Big sparks! And he and his lab partner get a 0 on the lab and a Saturday detention. I believe he blew out a circuit breaker. He’s in the regular bio class (not because he’s stupid, but because he’s lazy). What makes what she said funny is the someone in her class did do that. (Now, I’m not naming names yet. Okay… Richard Philbin.) Richard stuck two probes in the electrical socket and then dropped the scissors on top of them. It sparked helluva high. I saw this; he was at the table behind mine. (Surprisingly enough, he’s not the first one to do this in that same class. Jason Fix also did it, but he used a different method.) Unlike Ryan, Richard did not get caught. Ms. Gee was just doing work at her desk, not noticing a thing. So, Richard relates the story to Ryan one day at lunch (along with his other adventures with electricity), and Ryan says that he has to try it. As you now know, he got in trouble. Oh, oblivious Ms. Gee, how I laugh at thee.

09/09/04 – EDIT: Originally, I didn’t have any names except for Ryan’s because he had already been caught. I figured it was safe now to put the names up.