Agnoiologist

How the city hurts your brain
An article about how the city overwhelms our brain while nature is more calming. I should add some type of “interact with nature” thing to my Laws.

A New Cigarette Hazard: ‘Third-Hand Smoke’
Wow, another reason not to smoke.

This “Agnoiologist” blog started on March 10, 2003. Originally, I was on a subdomain for agnoiology.com, and then I moved the blog to agnoiology.com proper. I’ve gone through some minor and major site redesigns, including completely changing the backend with a switch from MT to Wordpress. Even with all these changes, the nearly six years have felt as if they’ve happened in one place. It was like I rearranged the furniture and even got a new phone number, but I’ve still been living in the same house. I’ve got an itch for something new and this time a redesign is not enough. It’s time to move on. It’s time to find a new home.

I’m not leaving quite yet. I’m still looking for that new place. My plan is to find a new URL for my weblog. I’m not sure if I’ll migrate all the old entries over or not. Regardless, I’m keeping up this website. I like having this public record of who I’ve been these past 6 years, even though I’m embarrassed by much of what I’ve written. Of course, I’m very proud of some of the writing.

It’ll be good to do this as a symbolic reset. It’ll allow me to form a new online persona. I also want a URL that’ll be easier to remember.

I “co-wrote” an article with my friend, Nick (guest post here), a while back in the Black Student Union’s news-letter, Perspectives. We didn’t communicate well, so Nick did most of the writing. I changed the ending, wanting to include a call to action. He added a bit more, and there it was. I probably would’ve forgotten about it if it wasn’t for something my friend Ryan said afterwards.

He’s the one who edited the article, and he noticed the tone was a little different at the end. He correctly accused me of writing it. I jokingly wondered if that was a bad thing, but he told me it was good. It made him inspired to act. The article was about how both parties were not doing what was in the best interest of the African-American community, like how Democrats took them for granted and how Republicans liked to take pictures with black people instead of working on issues (this was before Obama). I included a call to make sure one’s voice was heard, instead of lost within these two parties. (Perhaps I should find the actual text sometime.) It wasn’t the most elegant, poetic thing I’ve written, but it was good to hear that I helped light a fire within someone. When the protests took place after the whole racist party affair, I think Ryan said something about those words helping inspire him to act. Putting aside the politics of the issue, I’m really happy to have done my little part to spark a flame big enough that it led to action.

That’s the kind of person I want to be. The whole positivity paradigm I was talking about included being an uplifting, positive person. But I want to extend beyond my personal circle of friends. I want to inspire people to act. And that’s the kind of politician I want to be. I want to be the kind of public figure who inspires millions not only during his or her lifetime, but for generations after.

Because I am so enamored with myself, I kept a list of all my facebook statuses for 2008:

Shawn saw Tony and Angela get divorced.
Shawn has a special announcement coming.
Shawn is not leaving this Sunday; he is leaving the following Sunday. Good news!
Shawn is watching Sanford and Son.
Shawn is going back to Baltimore tomorrow. *sigh*.
Shawn enjoys yelling at the television. SEVEN FIFTY! ONE DOLLAR!
Shawn is recovering from the SARS and pumped for Super Tuesday.
Shawn is still recovering from the SARS.
Shawn is getting his daily dose of Wilford Brimley. Yet another reason to love The Price is Right.
Shawn is OVER 9000!!!
Shawn is total. TOTAL ECLIPSE, that is.
Shawn would walk 500 miles.
Shawn is hoping for a knock-out blow.
Shawn is going to do everything he can to help Obama win in Pennsylvania.
Shawn doesn’t think Obama will win Pennsylvania, but Obama will still end up with a bigger delegate lead at the convention.
Shawn is oh so close to spring break.
Shawn is back from Spring Break. *sigh*.
Shawn is going to have a lonely weekend.
Shawn is King Dedede. Ee-yup!
Shawn can’t fight in here! This is the War Room.
Shawn shouldn’t be surprised that ABC News would sink so low, but, nonetheless, he is shocked.
Shawn is thinking about Pennsylvania instead of work.
Shawn is worried about (another) all-out civil war in Iraq, and also why the media doesn’t harp on this instead of the Distraction of the Day.
Shawn is suffering from insomnia. argh.
Shawn is excited about the next round of primaries. Obama’s delegate lead will widen.
Shawn is waiting on Lake County.
Shawn is optimistic that Obama has essentially secured the nomination.
Shawn is not drinking before 11, really, he’s not. Done with finals.
Shawn hates packing.
Shawn is back home.
Shawn is just around the river bend.
Shawn is excited! Obama is the nominee!
Shawn is a Siamese cat who pretends he’s a chihuahua.
Shawn is wanted dead or alive or none of the above.
Shawn is aware of all internet traditions.
Shawn is what long trousers?
Shawn just watched Nathan’s hot dog eating contest. CHESTNUT WINS! CHESTNUT WINS! USA! USA!
Shawn is psyched for rafting!
Shawn is trying blue. It’s the new red!
Shawn will hit you with so many objects you’ll think you’re a Taiwanese politician.
Shawn needs to put together his filing cabinet.
Shawn is back from a video game marathon in Davis.
Shawn used to smoke pot with Johnny Hopkins.
Shawn has no phone, no lights, no motorcar. Well, he does have a phone.
Shawn once said, “If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North.”
Shawn likes how his friends still have rafting photos as their profile pics.
Shawn is listening to cats on mars.
Shawn had an interesting thought about noodles the other day.
Shawn temporarily switched places with someone who looks exactly like him. Watch out.
Shawn could put lipstick on an insurance company, or a pig; it’s still an insurance company.
Shawn is tomorrow homeward bound (starring Michael J. Fox and Sally Field).
Shawn put a gun in the waistband of his sweat pants and then shot himself in the thigh.
Shawn is waltzing with snowflakes. (LSD + Tchaikovsky = Awesome.)
Shawn is emerging from his finals-induced hibernation.
Shawn is laughing his ass off at the Cowboys.

I re-read my entire notebook for this year. I suppose I should call it a journal or a diary, but it’s less about logging my life and more about logging my notes. Semantics aside, I highly recommend keeping a journal. As Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” Re-reading the notebook, which began in mid-December of 2007, allowed me to enter a state of hyper-self-awareness. I know who I am, and I know where I’ve been.

It was interesting seeing how I was an emotional wreck during April and then pulled myself out of it through asserting my agency, or focusing on what I could control.

The main theme of 2008 was “positivity.” I forced myself to focus on the positive rather than the negative. If I wanted to improve myself, I had to focus on what I did well, rather than what I did wrong. In addition, if problems arose, I had to force myself to ask, “What’s the solution?” Besides “positivity,” the other key phrase I kept seeing pop up was “solution-oriented.” Because of my focus on these related concepts, I believe I am now a better person than I was at the beginning of 2008. In fact, reading through the entries, the me of January 2008 seems like a completely different person. This is akin to reading weblog entries from several years ago; my mind used to work in a completely different fashion. My worldview at the end of the year is way different. I suppose this isn’t unsurprising for a 21 year old to change like that, but I like this version of myself way better.

I know that being an optimist does not come naturally to me. I was not born an optimist, and I was rather pessimistic at the beginning of 2007 (worried about war with Iran). I thought it would be a bad year. I was more positive at the beginning of 2008, but now the habit of positivity has been strengthened.

I learned something about “habit.” I used to throw the word around, but I didn’t really know what it meant. A habit is something that requires active management. It’s not that I have this permanent habit of positivity. I have to recommit to being a positive, solution-oriented person each and every day.

One of my resolutions was to read at least 50 books on the year. I accomplished that. I’ll give you all the list later. I’m proud of the reading that I’ve done, mostly because I’ve learned a lot from the books I’ve read. They’ve helped improve my life and my life-philosophy.

I wanted to accomplish a lot for 2008, whatever that means. I wanted concrete achievements. I once again slipped with The Chalkboard Manifesto. I mean, I updated way more consistently and started the blog, but I don’t have any profits or merchandise. It’s disappointing, but I won’t dwell on it.

Honestly, I’d much rather have what I do now than a little extra cash or popularity. I don’t really know how to explain what this “it” is. It’s a whole different way of thinking. It’s my different patterns of thought. It’s my more confident demeanor. It’s my optimism. It’s my commitment to self-improvement. It took a year to build. It took a year of great gains and big back-slides. It took a year of tiny steps backward and tiny steps forward. The end result was a revolution.

I’ll be busy over the next few days, so I’m not sure when I’ll get the chance to write what I want to do for 2009. So I’m just going to write what I can now.

For some reason, I like to name my years. I’m not quite sure when this started. Some years it’s more helpful than others. For 2009, I’m christening it the Year of Discipline. I will develop an evolving list of “Iron Laws,” which I will follow in order to make myself a more virtuous person. My conception of “virtue” extends beyond ethics. I’m going to make myself a more excellent human being. I am committed to being a better, more disciplined person by the end of the year.

I do have concerns about being too robotic. But this year, I want to make a point to take myself a little more seriously than normal. A little less of the absurd attitude. In writing, it’s better to learn and master the rules before you begin breaking them. With ethical precepts, you should first have a good moral compass before you break with certain ethical commands for a greater good. This year I err on the side of discipline rather than freedom.

The initial list will be called the “Iron Laws.” This is meant to evoke an image of them being unyielding and rigid. I’m kind of following Gracian’s idea to “let your own dictates be stricter than the precepts of any law” (aphorism 6). I’ll take this metaphor a little futher. The laws are more like swords than chains. As I smash these laws up against reality, they will chip and some will break. So although there will be discipline, I’ll still be testing and these “laws” will evolve through time — hey, kind of like real laws. The point, at first, is just to get a list started. You can’t edit what you don’t have written down, after all.

I’m also considering a list of “exercises.” I want to improve my writing and speech-making. I’ll have to commit to daily/weekly activities in order to get the necessary practice time.

I also have two resolutions which I shall not share with anyone, at this point in time.

Today is not the revolution. In fact, I won’t be able to point to a bloody day of revolution. It’ll be like 2008 with the leaps forward and backward slides. But by the end of the year, I will be a completely different person than the one who is currently writing this entry. I will be more disciplined and more virtuous, while retaining my positivity.

“I was really inspired by everybody’s mustaches, so when Shaun threw me the ball I had to spike it as hard as I could in honor of mustache magic.” — David Baas

Mustache magic, hahaha.

From my notebook, in late November:

“Whatever happens, happens. Failure happens. Live with it. The point isn’t that you’ll never feel melancholy. The point is that you remind yourself it’s temporary, and force yourself to stay on track.”

From my notebook in August:

“A lawyer turned politician? How boring! I want my biography to jump off the page.”

Note: That last sentence originally came first, but I switched it for this weblog.

From my notebook in late April:

“To break away from the drudgery of routine, you need to open yourself up to other people.”

That’s something I need to remember when I go back to school in late January.

Well, only one final left. I’ve already written 30 pages worth of essays, and co-wrote a report for a computer programming project. I’ve barely studied for that last final too. Yeah, it’s a rough life, haha. Almost done. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Heck, it just might be beginning to look like Christmas.

I have this idea to post all of my essays from previous years on this web site. Maybe I can tell if I’ve improved or not.